#I feel like I lost all of the chances I had to change that in high-school | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mattsobvimyfav · 3 days ago

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roommate (matthew sturniolo)

pt 20-

I led Matt upstairs to my room, the faint glow of the bedside lamp casting a warm light over the space.

I handed him a pair of my dad’s old sweatpants and a hoodie, figuring he’d be more comfortable in something other than his jeans and shirt. “Here,” I said.

“Thanks,” Matt replied, she started to slip out of his close and i caught myself in a trance staring at him as he took his shirt off. I quickly snapped out of it grabbing my own pajamas—a loose T-shirt and a pair of shorts, i finished changing and got into my bed, pulling the covers over me.

Matt turned to me as I took in his appearance, his hair slightly messy from pulling the hoodie on. He smiled as he walked over to the bed. “Alright, where do you want me?” he teased.

I rolled my eyes. “Just get in, dickhead,” I said, patting the spot next to me. He climbed in, and we both settled under the blankets, the room growing quiet except for the sound of our breathing.

It didn’t take long for Matt to shift closer, his arm slipping around my waist. “You good?” he asked softly, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Yeah, I’m good,” I replied, though my heart was racing.

He leaned in, his lips brushing mine softly at first, then with more purpose. I kissed him back, melting into the moment as his hand slid up my side. My skin tingled under his touch, and for a second, I let myself get lost in it. But then his hand dipped lower, brushing the hem of my shorts, and reality hit me like a freight train.

I pulled back abruptly, sitting up and pushing his hand away. “Matt, no,” I said, my voice shaky but firm.

He looked at me, confused and slightly hurt. “What’s wrong?” he asked, sitting up as well.

I swallowed hard, trying to gather my thoughts. “I can’t… I can’t do this, Matt. Not yet,” I said, looking down at my hands.

“Why not?” he asked softly, his tone more curious than frustrated.

I looked up at him, my eyes stinging with unshed tears. “Because I don’t trust you,” I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper.

His expression shifted, a mix of guilt and regret crossing his face. “Y/N…” he started, but I shook my head.

“You told me I was a mistake, Matt,” I said, my voice breaking. “You can’t just say something like that and expect me to forget it. I’ve been trying to, but it still hurts. And now, with everything that’s happened… I just don’t know if I can trust you”

Matt ran a hand through his hair, exhaling deeply. “I know I screwed up,” he said quietly. “And I’m sorry, Y/N. I really am. I didn’t mean it when I said that. I was just scared and being stupid. But I promise, I wouldn’t do that to you again. I care about you.”

I looked at him, the sincerity in his eyes almost breaking me. “I want to believe you, Matt,” I said, my voice trembling. “But I need time. I need to feel like I can trust you completely before we take things any further.”

He nodded slowly, reaching out to take my hand. “I’ll wait as long as you need,” he said softly. “I’m all in if you’ll let me be..”

“Really?,” I whispered, confused at what he meant.

“Yes y/n. I’ll stop. all the girls. All the hook ups. Just us.” He looked into my eyes and for the first time I actually believed him.

We laid back down, Matt wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled my back into his chest. I let my thoughts wonder about what it would be like to give Matt a real chance and see if he could truly change after I drifted off to sleep.

My eyes blinked open slowly, and I realized Matt’s arm was slung across my waist, his face buried in the pillow beside mine. His even breaths tickled my neck, and I smiled softly at the peaceful expression on his face.

Last night’s conversation played through my mind, The breakthrough we’d had, the honesty, the vulnerability—it felt good. It felt real.

Matt shifted slightly, his eyes fluttering open. When he noticed me watching him, a sleepy grin spread across his face. “Morning,” he mumbled, his voice gravelly from sleep.

“Morning,” I replied, feeling warmth bloom in my chest.

He leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss to my lips. “How’d you sleep?” he asked, his hand brushing a strand of hair from my face.

“Better than I have in a while,” I admitted, my smile widening.

“Good,” he said, stretching his arms above his head before sitting up. “Smells like something’s cooking downstairs.”

I sniffed the air, the faint scent of bacon and coffee wafting into the room. My eyes lit up. “Dad must be making breakfast.”

We both got out of bed and quickly threw on some comfy clothes before heading downstairs. Sure enough, my dad was in the kitchen, flipping pancakes while the radio played softly in the background. He looked up when he saw us and grinned.

“Good morning, kids,” he greeted, gesturing toward the table where plates of bacon, eggs, and fresh fruit were already laid out. “I figured I’d make a proper breakfast since we’ve got company.”

Matt beamed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Thanks, Mr. Y/L/N. It smells amazing.”.

We sat down at the table, and Matt immediately started piling food onto his plate. “Your dad’s already winning major points,” he whispered to me, making me laugh.

“Yeah, he’s the best,” I said, my heart swelling with affection as I watched my dad work.

When my dad finally joined us at the table, the three of us fell into easy conversation. Matt told my dad some funny stories about college life, and my dad shared a few embarrassing tales from when I was a kid, much to my dismay. Matt laughed so hard he nearly choked on his coffee, and despite my protests, I couldn’t help but smile at how natural it all felt.

As breakfast wound down, my dad clapped Matt on the shoulder. “You’re welcome here anytime, kid,” he said warmly.

“Thank you. That means a lot,” Matt replied, his sincerity evident.

I glanced between the two of them, my heart full as I realized just how lucky I was. This was what I’d been missing—these simple, happy moments.

After breakfast, Matt and I headed back upstairs. As I rummaged through my bag for an outfit, Matt leaned against the doorway, arms crossed, watching me with a lazy smile.

“You still up for Black Friday shopping?” he asked.

“Of course,” I said, pulling out a pair of black leggings and my favorite oversized hoodie. “Just promise not to ditch me if it gets too crazy.”

He laughed. “Deal. Though I’m pretty sure you could hold your own in a shopping brawl.”

I smirked, tossing my Uggs onto the bed. “You’d be surprised.”

After slipping into my outfit, I brushed my hair into a sleek ponytail and dabbed on some tinted moisturizer. Matt gave me an approving nod as I threw my bag over my shoulder.

“Perfect,” he said, grabbing his keys. “Let’s go.”

The drive to Matt’s house was quick and quiet, the town still buzzing from Thanksgiving festivities. Nick was sprawled on the couch, scrolling through his phone, while Justin was in the kitchen, pouring himself a coffee.

“I’m gonna head upstairs and change,” Matt said, tossing his keys onto the counter. “You good here?”

“Yeah, go ahead,” I said, waving him off.

I wandered into the living room, where Justin had settled onto one of the armchairs with his coffee. He looked up and gave me a grin.

“Y/N,” he said, setting his mug down. “Didn’t think I’d see you again so soon.”

“Yeah, Matt roped me into Black Friday shopping,” I said with a laugh, sitting down across from him.

Justin raised an eyebrow. “Brave of you. Matt’s got no patience for crowds.”

“I’ll survive,” I joked. “How have you been?”

We fell into easy conversation, talking about everything from school to his latest projects. Justin’s laid-back demeanor was infectious, and I found myself laughing more than I had in weeks.

Matt came bounding down the stairs, now dressed in a flannel shirt and jeans. “Ready to go?” he asked, grabbing his wallet off the counter.

“Yup,” I said, standing up.

Justin gave me a knowing look as we headed for the door. “Good luck,” he called out, grinning.

I rolled my eyes but couldn’t help smiling as Matt held the door open for me.

Matt and I spent the entire day navigating the Black Friday madness, though surprisingly, the crowds weren’t as bad as I’d expected. We started at the mall, where every store seemed to have a massive “50% Off” sign in the windows.

The first store we went into was a shoe store. Matt immediately gravitated toward the Ugg section, spotting a pair of chocolate brown Ultra Minis that caught his attention.

“These are cute,” he said, holding them up.

“They are,” I agreed, but when he walked up to the cashier with them, I nearly lost it. “Matt, no. I don’t need new Uggs!”

“They’re half off,” he said with a shrug, ignoring my protests.

“But I already have a pair!”

“Yeah, and now you’ll have two.” He handed over his card before I could argue further.

I groaned but couldn’t help the small smile on my face. “You’re impossible.”

He just grinned and handed me the bag. “Merry early Christmas.” He kissed my cheek and I couldn’t help but blush.

After leaving the shoe store, we focused on getting gifts for our parents. At a cozy boutique, I found a padigonia sweatshirt that was perfect for my dad. Matt picked out a sleek leather wallet for Jimmy and a set of fancy coffee mugs for Mary Lou.

At one point, we stopped in a home goods store, where Matt dragged me over to the holiday display.

“Do you think my mom would like this?” he asked, holding up a set of Christmas-themed dish towels.

I laughed. “I think she’d appreciate the thought, but let’s find something a little more her style.”

By the time we finished, we had bags filled with thoughtful gifts for everyone.

We had gone too about five different stores in total, from clothing boutiques to a sporting goods store where Matt found something for Justin.

At one point, as we were walking through the mall, I nudged him. “You know, for someone who claims to hate shopping, you’re pretty into this.”

He laughed. “I don’t hate shopping, I hate waiting and people. There’s a difference.”

After hours of walking, we took a break in the food court, sharing a giant pretzel and some lemonade. Matt insisted on dipping the pretzel in cheese, while I stuck with mustard.

“You’re missing out,” he teased, holding up a cheese-drenched piece.

“I’ll survive,” I shot back with a grin.

By the time we finished, the trunk of Matt’s car was packed with bags, and we were both exhausted. On the drive back, I leaned my head against his shoulder.

“Thanks for everything today,” I said softly, glancing at him.

He looked over briefly, a small smile tugging at his lips. “Anytime. We have to get back for the video though. We are reading fanfictions about ourselves and your judging them”

My eyes widened and I started laughing “I’m going to read them about you in my free time” I winked at him

“I know, your obsessed with me.” He clapped back.

A couple of hours later, I found myself squished into the back seat of Matt’s car next to Nick, his phone already in hand as he searched for fanfics. Matt was in the driver’s seat, adjusting the camera angle on the dashboard, while Chris sat in the passenger seat, looking less than thrilled about what was about to unfold.

“Nick, this is a bad idea,” Chris groaned, throwing his head back against the seat.

“Bad ideas make great content,” Nick said with a grin, turning his phone to show me the first story. “Ready, Y/N?”

“Oh, I’m ready,” I said, smirking.

Matt glanced at me through the rearview mirror. “Don’t let him corrupt you. These are going to be awful.”

“That’s the point,” I replied with a laugh, Matt his the record button.

Nick started dramatically: “Matt was in the library, headphones on, lost in his music. He didn’t notice her at first, the girl with the messy bun and oversized sweater, until she dropped her books. He rushed to help her, their hands brushing as they reached for the same book. ‘Sorry,’ she said, her cheeks pink. Matt froze. He’d never seen anyone so beautiful.”

Chris immediately burst out laughing. “Matt? In a library? I don’t buy it.”

Matt shook his head, covering his face. “I can’t believe people think I’m this smooth.”

“You are baby trust me” I winked at Matt causing him to smirk at me in the rear view.

Nick continued, grinning. “‘I, uh… like your sweater,’ Matt stammered. She smiled, and his heart skipped a beat.’”

“Okay, okay, pause,” I interrupted, laughing. “This gets a 5/10. Cute, but way too unrealistic. No way Matt’s heart skips a beat over a sweater.”

Matt turned in his seat to look at me. “Maybe it was you wearing the sweater.”

Nick pulled up another one and started reading. “Chris had seen her before, the girl who lived in the apartment next door. She always left her door open just enough for the scent of cookies to waft through the hallway. One night, he knocked on her door, pretending to need sugar. When she smiled at him, holding out a bowl, he thought, ‘This might be the sweetest face I’ve ever seen.’”

Matt snorted. “Chris, cookies? Really?”

Chris groaned. “This is so dumb. Why am I the guy knocking on someone’s door?”

Nick kept reading, barely holding back his laughter. “‘You should come by sometime,’ she said shyly. Chris found himself grinning like an idiot. ‘Yeah,’ he replied. ‘Maybe I will.’”

I rolled my eyes. “Okay, I’ll give this one a 6/10 for effort, but She should not be just leaving her door open.”

Chris turned around to look at me. “Very true”

Nick smirked as he opened the last fanfic. “Alright, this one’s spicy. It’s a love triangle with Matt and Chris both falling for the same girl.”

“Oh, God,” Matt muttered.

Nick began: “‘She was unlike anyone Matt had ever met. Smart, funny, and completely unbothered by his antics. Chris, on the other hand, couldn’t stop thinking about her smile. One night at a party, Matt cornered Chris in the kitchen. ‘Stay away from her,’ Matt growled. Chris smirked. ‘You’re just mad because she likes me more.’”

Chris groaned loudly, throwing his hands up. “God y/n they wrote a whole fanfic about you” Nick started hysterically laughing.

I couldn’t stop laughing. “Woah watch it. This one gets a 9/10. The tension is hilarious.”

Matt shook his head, trying not to laugh. “This is so dumb.”

“But entertaining,” I said, still grinning.

By the time Nick finished, my cheeks hurt from laughing. “Alright, guys, that’s it for today,” Nick said into the camera. “Make sure to like, comment, and subscribe. And keep sending these fanfics, because they’re pure gold.”

Matt turned off the camera, sighing. “I don’t know why we let you do this.”

“Because it’s funny,” I said, nudging Nick.

Chris leaned back in his seat. “Yeah, funny for you. Embarrassing for us.”

Nick shrugged. “That’s the price of content.”

As we sat in the car, still laughing from the ridiculous fanfics, I pulled out my phone and typed out a message to Matt.

Y/N: Wanna have another sleepover?

I hit send and glanced up, catching Matt’s subtle smirk through the rearview mirror. He pulled his phone out of the cupholder, glanced at the screen, and his smirk grew wider.

He texted back quickly:

Matt: Say less.

I bit back a smile, locking my phone as Nick and Chris kept debating over which fanfic was the most cringe-worthy.

“Alright, guys,” Matt announced, putting the car into drive. “I’m dropping you two off at home first.”

Nick whipped his head toward Matt. “What? Why? I thought we were hanging out?”

“Change of plans,” Matt said nonchalantly, a small grin tugging at the corner of his lips.

Chris narrowed his eyes, suspicious. “What’s the real reason, huh?”

Matt shrugged, keeping his eyes on the road. “No real reason. Just figured you two could use some rest.”

Nick groaned. “Fine.”

Chris crossed his arms, mumbling under his breath. “Whatever.”

I leaned back in my seat, hiding my smile as the car filled with more playful bickering. Matt met my eyes briefly through the mirror, his expression unreadable but soft in a way that made my stomach flip.

#matt sturniolo #chris sturniolo #nick sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo x you #chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo x you #sturniolo #matt stuniolo fanfic #matthew sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #chris sturiolo fanfic #roommates

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hjvi · 2 days ago

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𝘜𝘯𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯, 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘈𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘠𝘰𝘶

⚠︎ mdni, heavy smut, eating disorder (anorexia), overall mature subjects, and more

⤷ A gentle reminder: If my content ever feels overwhelming, please take care of yourself and step away. Anorexia is a key theme in this story, and as someone who understands its weight, this fic is deeply personal to me. I want to remind you that you're never alone in your journey.

Sending love and healing to all. 🩷

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𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 2: 𝙎𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙙𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙖 𝙃𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩

The sound of skates carving through ice echoed in the quiet rink, but it barely registered in my mind. I was too focused on the way Chris’s hand felt in mine. The warmth of his fingers, the way they gently squeezed as if trying to anchor me to this moment, to him. I wasn’t sure if it was the silence of the rink or the chaos inside my head, but there was something in the air—something thick with unspoken words.

Chris and I stood side by side, staring out at the empty ice, both lost in the gravity of everything that had been said. He had apologized, confessed his love to me, and promised to help me heal. His words hung in the air between us, fragile and uncertain. I had told him I was willing to give us a chance, to give him a chance. But I wasn’t sure if I believed I deserved any of this.

I glanced down at our hands, our fingers still intertwined. And that’s when I saw it.

His eyes dropped to my bruised hands. The skin was discolored, darkened from the impact of fists, marks left from someone who should have loved me. The edges of his expression tightened for a fraction of a second before he quickly glanced away, like he couldn’t stand looking at them anymore. His jaw clenched briefly before he let out a shaky breath.

“Hey, uh,” Chris started, his voice tight as if he were trying to sound normal. “Do you wanna come over to my house? I have something I want to show you.”

I wasn’t sure what to say. I didn’t know if I was ready for more of his kindness, for more of his attention. But I nodded slowly, almost instinctively. What else could I do? I wasn’t sure how long I could stand there, the weight of his unspoken questions pulling me under.

We left the rink, and within minutes, Matt—his only triplet brother with a license—pulled up in their old, beat-up car. The ride was silent, the kind of silence that feels louder than anything. Chris, normally so animated, so full of energy, sat beside me, his eyes flicking to me every few seconds as if he were studying my every move, trying to make sense of the distance between us.

I could feel his eyes on me, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. The silence stretched on, thick and heavy, pressing down on me with every passing second.

When we finally arrived at Chris’s house, I shuffled behind him up to his room, his footsteps quick and purposeful, as if he wanted to show me something important. My heart thudded painfully in my chest as I took in the walls of his room, decorated with rap posters, old vinyl records, and the familiar scent of his cologne and something else—comfort, maybe. It was all so him, yet I felt so out of place.

“You okay?” he asked, concern in his eyes as he glanced over at me. He had been looking at me like that all day—like I was something precious that he couldn’t bear to break.

I nodded stiffly, offering him a weak smile as I dropped my eyes to the sleeves of my hoodie. They were covered in dried tears, remnants of mascara streaking down my face from the few times I had wiped away my tears, trying to keep it together. I wasn’t even sure why I cared.

Chris noticed, and without hesitation, he moved to his closet, pulling out a sweatshirt and a pair of sweatpants. “Here,” he said, holding them out to me. “You need something clean. You can change in the bathroom, if you want.”

I accepted the clothes reluctantly, feeling an odd wave of guilt rise in my chest. I didn’t want to take anything from him. But his kindness felt almost overwhelming. And when I inhaled the scent of his hoodie, it was like an old memory wrapped around me, one that made me ache for a time I hadn’t realized I had lost. The familiarity of it made me feel both comforted and strangely distant.

“I’ll wait outside,” he said, stepping out of the room and closing the door behind him gently.

I walked into the bathroom and shut the door. The room was silent except for the hum of the fluorescent light above me. The mirror reflected a version of myself I didn’t recognize. I stood there for a long time, staring at myself. I unzipped my hoodie and slipped it off, throwing it on the floor, before pulling at the waistband of my low-rise jeans, stepping out of them with shaky hands. I was all too aware of the hollow feeling in my body, the emptiness that came from not eating, not caring.

As I reached for the hoodie Chris had given me, I slid my arms into the sleeves, feeling how much too big it was. The fabric hung off me like a curtain, too large for my frame. I felt the fabric stretch and tug, the empty space inside me made all too clear.

I lifted the hoodie, my fingers grazing the sharp outline of my ribs. I swallowed hard, fighting the rising wave of panic. I could feel the hollow hollowness inside of me, the bruises left by years of self-doubt and the echoes of my father’s words.

I stared at myself in the mirror, not realizing how much time had passed. Minutes slipped by like hours.

I couldn’t take it. I yanked the hoodie off, the fabric crumpling in my hands. My skin prickled with a familiar discomfort—the kind of vulnerability that I hated, the kind of vulnerability I had never been allowed to show.

There was a knock at the door.

“Are you okay in there?” Chris’s voice was muffled but full of concern.

I wanted to answer, but the words wouldn’t come. Before I could say anything, the door creaked open just a fraction. And then Chris stepped inside, his eyes immediately catching on my bare skin, my sweatpants hanging off my frame, and the rawness of my vulnerability.

He froze. “Oh God, I’m sorry,” he stammered, his face flushing in embarrassment. But he didn’t turn away. Instead, he stepped back, his eyes not leaving me.

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came. Instead, I sank down onto the floor, my knees buckling beneath me as my body began to tremble. The sobs came in waves, uncontrollable, and I couldn’t stop them. I just sat there, breaking apart in front of him, unsure how to stop the flood of emotion that had been building for so long.

Chris, to his credit, didn’t try to rush over. He sat down next to me slowly, careful not to overwhelm me. He gave me space, but his presence was steady, like an anchor holding me together when I was slipping away. His hand hovered near me, unsure, but it was enough.

“You don’t like the hoodie color?” he asked, trying to lighten the mood with a joke, but I couldn’t even muster a smile.

“I feel so weak, Chris,” I cried. “I feel so skinny, like I’m fading away, and I can’t stop. I’m just… I’m so broken.”

His hand finally found its way to my back, gently rubbing circles over the fabric of his hoodie. “You’re not weak,” he said softly. “You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. And you don’t need to feel insecure. I love you. I’ll help you through this. You don’t have to fight this alone anymore.”

His words—gentle, so full of love and compassion—were a balm to the raw wounds inside me. I buried my face in his chest, not caring about how vulnerable I was, how exposed. For the first time in a long time, I let myself cry freely, knowing that someone was here to help me piece myself back together.

When the tears finally started to subside, Chris pulled away gently, his fingers brushing my hair out of my face. “How about a bath?” he suggested quietly. “A vanilla bubble bath. I’ll set it up for you.”

I let out a shaky giggle, feeling a hint of something lighter for the first time that night. “That sounds nice.”

“I’ll get everything ready,” he said, his voice soothing as he helped me stand. “You just… take all the time you need.”

As he went to his brother Matt’s room to give me some privacy, I stood there for a moment, lost in the quiet of the bathroom. I reached up to wipe away the last of my tears, but the weight of everything still hung heavy on my shoulders.

When I walked back into Chris’s room later, towel in hand, I overheard him talking to Matt in hushed tones, the conversation I had been dreading.

“Do you think she’s too thin?” Matt asked, his voice quieter than usual.

“I don’t know,” Chris replied, a tone of sadness in his words. “She’s just… so fragile, Matt. I don’t know how to fix her. I just want to help her.”

The words crushed me. I turned on my heel and fled back to his room, sinking down onto the floor with my back against his bed. It wasn’t about fixing me. I wasn’t some broken thing to be fixed.

I wiped away my tears, quickly swallowing down the rising wave of self-doubt. When Chris entered the room, he froze when he saw me sitting on the floor. “Are you okay?” he asked softly, kneeling down beside me.

“I don’t know, Chris,” I whispered, the weight of it all crashing back down on me. “I don’t know how to wash myself… I hate seeing my body.”

“Hey,” he said, lifting my chin gently, “it’s okay. You don’t have to do it alone.”

He reached under his bed and pulled out a small, weathered box. He opened it slowly, revealing photos of me, my hair ties, old bracelets, small trinkets I had long forgotten about. My breath caught in my throat.

“I kept everything because I can’t live my life without thinking about you,” Chris said softly, his eyes filled with something I couldn’t quite understand. “You are so beautiful. I hate seeing you do this to yourself. But I’ll be here. I’ll always be here, and I won’t leave you.”

I stared at the box, unable to speak for a moment. His words hit me harder than anything. He cared about me, but why did he talk about me like I was something broken, something that needed fixing?

I didn’t know, but I had to find out. And for the first time in so long, I was willing to try.

Chris sat beside me, the silence in his room hanging like a heavy blanket. He’d shown me the box, full of my old trinkets—little pieces of me that I hadn’t even realized mattered to him. But now, staring down at the photos, the bracelets, and the hair ties I had long forgotten about, something inside me was starting to crack.

“I—I didn’t even know you kept these,” I whispered, my voice trembling as I ran my fingers over a photo of me from years ago. It was from a school trip, one where I had laughed so hard my stomach ached, my eyes crinkling with joy. I couldn’t even remember that girl. She felt like a stranger now.

“I couldn’t let go of anything that had you in it,” Chris murmured, his voice low and serious, as if the weight of his words mattered more than anything else. “You’ve always been on my mind. Always. Even when I was… too stupid to realize it.”

I felt a swell of warmth in my chest at his words, but a sharp pang of guilt followed right after. He kept these things because he couldn’t forget me. But I had been so lost, so deep in the dark that I couldn’t remember who I was before all the pain.

“You always knew how to make me laugh,” I said, swallowing hard as I fought against the rush of emotions. “I used to laugh all the time. And now, it feels like I’ve forgotten how.”

Chris didn’t answer at first. His hand, gentle but firm, found mine. His fingers wrapped around my wrist, pulling my gaze back to him. His eyes were so earnest, so full of concern, like he could see right through the walls I had built around myself.

“You haven’t forgotten, though,” he said softly. “You just haven’t had a reason to laugh in a while. But you will again, I promise.”

I looked away, tears gathering in my eyes, and Chris squeezed my hand, the contact grounding me, reminding me that I wasn’t alone in this.

“Chris… I—I’m scared,” I whispered, barely audible. “Scared of what’s happening inside me. I don’t know how to fix it.”

His face softened, and he slowly pulled me into his chest, wrapping his arms around me. I rested my head against his shoulder, inhaling the familiar scent of him—the cologne, the faint smell of laundry detergent, and something uniquely Chris, something that felt like home. His embrace was warm, enveloping, and for a moment, the world outside his room, outside of everything I had been through, seemed so far away.

“You don’t have to fix anything,” he whispered into my hair. “I’ll help you, step by step. But you don’t have to fix it all on your own. You don’t have to carry this burden alone. Not anymore.”

I nodded, my breath catching as I allowed myself to lean into him, feeling something shift within me. The heaviness that had weighed on my chest for so long was starting to lighten, piece by piece.

There was a long pause, where all we did was hold each other, not saying anything more. And then, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, Chris pulled back slightly, his hand moving to my cheek, lifting my face to meet his eyes.

“You want to take that bath?” he asked softly, his voice coaxing yet gentle.

I hesitated for a moment. I hadn’t planned on doing anything like that. The thought of getting clean, of scrubbing away the remnants of the past, made me feel exposed in ways I wasn’t ready to face. But something in his gaze softened the edges of my fear.

“Yeah,” I whispered. “I think I do.”

“Good,” he said, his crooked smile tender as he brushed a lock of hair from my face. “I’ll get it ready for you.”

I stepped into the bathroom a few minutes later, the soft sound of Chris’s footsteps fading into the background as he prepared the bath. The room was bathed in warm light, the kind of soft glow that felt like it could cradle me in its embrace. He had already filled the tub with bubbles, the scent of vanilla wafting through the air.

“Here,” Chris said, handing me a fresh towel and a pair of his old slippers, the kind he wore around the house. “I’ll give you privacy to change. Just… take your time.”

I nodded, not trusting my voice to speak. The thought of washing away the layers of pain that had accumulated over time felt almost foreign. But Chris was right—this was part of healing. I could start small. I could start with something simple, like the warmth of the water surrounding me.

As I stripped off my clothes and stepped into the bath, the water felt like a second skin. It was soothing and gentle, yet the bubbles seemed to bring everything to the surface. I leaned back, letting the warmth seep into my muscles, trying to breathe deeply, trying to calm the storm that raged inside my head.

But it was still there. The emptiness, the ache. The feeling of being too small, too fragile, too broken.

Chris knocked on the door softly a few minutes later, his voice muffled. “You okay in there?”

“I’m… I think so,” I called back, my voice barely above a whisper.

He pushed the door open a crack, just enough for his head to peek through. “Do you want me to come in?” he asked, his eyes soft with concern.

I hesitated. A thousand thoughts swirled in my head. But in that moment, I needed him. Not in the way I had needed someone before, but in the way that felt raw and real.

“Yeah,” I whispered, my voice cracking. “Please.”

Chris stepped into the bathroom, his presence so calming it was like I could finally breathe a little easier. He moved with quiet care, making sure not to intrude, not to overwhelm.

He sat on the edge of the tub, his hand brushing lightly against my hair, careful not to disturb the bubbles.

“Do you need help?” he asked, his voice a soft murmur.

I shook my head, feeling a lump rise in my throat. “I don’t know if I can… do this,” I whispered.

Chris took a deep breath, and when he spoke again, his voice was unwavering. “I’m here. I’ll help however I can, even if it’s just sitting here with you.”

And so, he did. He sat by the edge of the tub, his hand gently resting on my arm, a grounding presence.

I finally closed my eyes, letting the warmth of the water, the comfort of his touch, and the gentleness of his voice wash over me.

The warm water enveloped me like a second skin. The steam rose in gentle swirls, filling the bathroom with the soft scent of vanilla bubbles, calming me just enough to breathe deeper. But as I sank further into the tub, I couldn’t shake the heavy weight pressing down on my chest. The scars, the bruises, the emptiness inside—it was all still there, lingering like a storm inside me.

The soft clink of a bottle being opened echoed in the quiet, followed by the sound of Chris’s voice, calm and steady, like he was trying to anchor me.

“Is the water warm enough?” he asked, standing just outside the tub, his voice soft and considerate.

I nodded, though my eyes were shut, a futile attempt to block out everything. I hadn’t expected this. I hadn’t expected him to stay close, to offer to help. It was overwhelming in a way I couldn’t explain. But still, I felt the faintest stir of relief in my heart. Maybe this was what I needed. Maybe this was how I could start to heal.

Chris, sensing my hesitance, didn’t rush. He waited, patient and gentle, until I nodded again, finally allowing him into the space I had, until now, kept so tightly guarded.

“I’m right here,” he said, kneeling beside the tub. His hand reached out, his fingers brushing softly against my shoulder as if to reassure me. He was so close, and yet he gave me space, the quiet comfort of his presence enough to settle my nerves. “Do you want me to help you wash?”

The words felt strange on my tongue, and I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. But part of me wanted him to stay close, to be the one to help me through this—this vulnerability that terrified me. So, I swallowed my pride and nodded, unsure of what else to do.

Chris’s voice was low and steady, a constant reassurance as he reached for the body wash, the soft scent of lavender and vanilla wafting through the air. He poured it into his hands, lathering it gently before turning his attention back to me.

“I’m just going to start with your arms, okay?” he asked, his eyes soft but filled with something more—something that felt like a promise.

I swallowed hard, afraid of what I might see if I let him in too much, but I couldn’t find the strength to pull away. There was something about his kindness, his unwavering patience, that made me feel a little less fragile.

His fingers gently cupped my wrist as he began to wash the skin of my arms, his touch tender, careful not to overwhelm me. The sensation of his hands gliding over my skin was almost too much to bear, yet it was strangely soothing, like he was washing away pieces of the hurt that had accumulated for so long.

“Let me know if it’s too much,” Chris murmured softly, his voice barely above a whisper, a tenderness in his tone that made my heart ache. His touch was light as he moved down, past my elbows, moving to my forearms, the lather turning into a soft foam as it slid across my skin. His touch was careful, as if he could sense the weight of my past, the scars, both seen and unseen, that I was trying to bury beneath the surface.

I closed my eyes, trying to focus on the feeling of his hands. Trying to let it soothe the growing discomfort in my chest. But with every gentle sweep of his fingers, the floodgates seemed to open, and my chest tightened. The moment felt too intimate, too raw, but still, I stayed.

“You’re doing great,” he whispered, his voice steady like a beacon in the storm. “I’m right here.”

His hands moved to my shoulders, the pads of his fingers tracing over the skin of my upper arms with gentle care. As he reached the back of my neck, his hands hesitated, and I could feel the heat of his gaze, though I refused to meet it. I could feel the weight of his concern pressing against me, like he wanted to do more, wanted to somehow fix what had been broken for so long.

But he didn’t push. He simply washed, quietly, steadily, as if he was trying to reassure me that nothing would change in this moment—he wouldn’t rush, he wouldn’t push me beyond what I could handle.

Slowly, I felt his hands move to the small of my back, washing down the length of my spine. His touch was so gentle, so unhurried, as though he had all the time in the world to make sure I felt cared for. His hands glided over the small curve of my back, and even though I felt exposed, raw, I felt something stir within me—a longing for comfort, for healing. I closed my eyes, biting back the tremors that threatened to overtake me.

“You’re okay,” Chris said, his voice barely above a whisper. “You’re safe.”

I felt the tears well up in my eyes again, threatening to spill over, but I held them back, clenching my fists in the water, willing them to stay.

His hands moved to my ribs then, slowly, as though he was afraid of hurting me. The touch was so tender that it made my heart ache in a way I wasn’t prepared for. His fingers brushed over the skin of my side, and I stiffened involuntarily, the memories of being touched without care, without kindness, rushing back to me.

Chris noticed instantly. His hands froze for a moment, as though he was waiting for me to pull away. But I didn’t. Instead, I leaned into his touch, trying to let it soothe me, trying to remind myself that I wasn’t broken beyond repair. Not yet.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, my voice trembling with emotion. “I just… I just hate how I look. How I feel.”

Chris’s voice softened, filled with an emotion I couldn’t place. “You’re beautiful,” he said simply, the words steady, unwavering. “You’re beautiful just the way you are. Don’t ever forget that.”

I closed my eyes tighter, not sure I could believe him, but the warmth of his hands on my skin, the way his fingers moved carefully over me, told me he wasn’t lying. He saw me. The real me. Not the broken pieces I tried to hide.

His hands moved to my stomach, gently lathering the soap along the curve of my waist. I could feel myself wanting to shrink away, but I stayed, breathing in deeply, trying to let myself relax. I had to remind myself that this was Chris. The same Chris who had made me laugh in ways I had forgotten. The same Chris who had been my friend, my constant, long before everything had gone wrong. And now, he was still here.

“Almost done,” he said, his voice quiet, soothing. His hands moved slowly, methodically, as though trying to memorize the feel of me, as though he needed to make sure I was taken care of.

I nodded again, my throat tight with emotion, but the discomfort started to ease just a little. His hands felt like safety, like protection, and I let the warmth of the water, of him, wash over me.

When he finished, Chris gently pulled his hands away and grabbed the towel from the nearby rack. His fingers worked quickly, drying my skin with soft, deliberate motions. His touch, while gentle, was insistent, as if he was trying to remind me that I was still here, still whole, even if it didn’t feel like it.

“Come on,” he said, his voice soft, a smile tugging at his lips as he helped me out of the tub. “Let’s get you cozy.”

As he helped me into a pair of his old sweatpants and a loose hoodie, I couldn’t help but notice how his hands lingered over the soft fabric. It felt so… normal. The simple act of being cared for, of being seen, was something I hadn’t allowed myself to feel in a long time.

When he finished, he tucked me into his bed, the soft covers enveloping me like a cocoon. He sat on the edge, just watching me, his eyes full of something I didn’t know how to name.

“I’m here,” he said softly, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. “Whenever you’re ready to talk, or not talk, I’m here.”

I nodded, the exhaustion of everything that had happened weighing heavily on me. But for the first time in a long time, I felt like I wasn’t drowning in it all. Chris was here, and I wasn’t alone.

And for now, that was enough.

“Chris,” I whispered, my voice barely audible, “I never meant for any of this to happen. I never meant to let myself get this far.”

“I know,” he replied softly, his fingers brushing through my hair. “But it’s not your fault. You’re not to blame for the things that have happened to you. You’ve been through more than anyone should have to go through.”

I sighed deeply, the weight of his words sinking into me. I closed my eyes, a tear slipping down my cheek despite my best efforts to hold it in. I could feel his hand on my cheek, wiping away the tear.

The room felt heavy, the silence between us thick with unspoken things. I had shared the worst parts of myself with Chris—the parts of me I had been hiding, the parts I hadn’t dared to look at in years. But as the words left my mouth, I realized how much more there was to say, how much I had buried beneath the surface. And now, with Chris here, his steady presence beside me, it felt like the dam inside me had broken open.

Chris didn’t speak immediately, but I could feel his anger simmering beneath his calm exterior. It was there in the way his jaw tightened, in the way his fingers gently squeezed mine, as if he were trying to hold me together while trying to contain the fury building inside him.

“You’re safe now, (Y/N),” he said softly, but there was a strain in his voice. “But I want to know more. I need to know what happened… all of it.”

I looked up at him, the room dim in the evening light, but his eyes were bright with the weight of his emotions. “I don’t know if I can…” My voice wavered, as if speaking the words out loud might make them more real, more permanent. “I don’t know how to tell you.”

He didn’t rush me. He just sat there, steady, waiting. “You don’t have to do it all at once, but I’m here, and I want to hear it. Whatever you’re ready to share.”

I swallowed hard, the lump in my throat like a stone that wouldn’t budge. It was too much, too overwhelming. But his patience, the way he was just there—unwavering—made me feel like maybe, just maybe, I could say it.

I inhaled deeply, trying to steady my shaky breath. “He’s… he’s still hitting me.” The words slipped out like daggers, sharp and jagged, and I couldn’t take them back.

Chris’s face twisted in disgust, his eyes blazing with something darker, something I couldn’t quite place. His grip on my hand tightened to the point of pain, but I didn’t want him to let go. “What do you mean, still?” he spat, his voice trembling with anger. “What the hell do you mean, still hitting you? After everything? After all these years?”

I flinched, the pain of his words stinging more than I expected, but not in a bad way. Chris was angry—for me, for the things I had endured—and I needed that anger. It was the first time someone had ever been angry for me.

“He doesn’t care. He never did. He doesn’t care that I’m his daughter.” I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes again, the tightness in my chest making it hard to breathe. “I don’t know what to do. He’ll always come back. He won’t stop.”

“God, I’m so fucking mad at him right now,” Chris growled, slamming his fist down on the bed between us. “How could anyone do that to you? I don’t care if he’s your dad—no one should ever lay a finger on you. No one.”

I could see the pain in his eyes, the rage that burned there, but it was mixed with something else too—something softer. Concern, protectiveness, the desire to shield me from all of it.

I shook my head, a bitter laugh escaping my lips as the tears started to fall. “He just… he can’t stop, Chris. He gets drunk, and then it’s like he doesn’t even see me anymore. He just sees someone to hurt. And I don’t know how to make it stop. I don’t know how to get out.”

I could feel the panic rising in me again, that familiar, overwhelming sense of suffocation creeping in like it always did when I thought about the fear of being stuck, of being trapped in that life. The life where I wasn’t safe, where I wasn’t even allowed to feel like I mattered.

Chris’s voice became softer, almost a whisper, but it was full of resolve. “You don’t have to go back to him, (Y/N). You don’t have to live like that. I won’t let you.” His hands gently cupped my face, as though he were trying to steady me, trying to pull me back from the edge I felt myself teetering on. “You deserve so much more than this, and I swear to you, I’m going to help you get out of this. We’ll figure it out together.”

I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe that things could be different, that I didn’t have to go back to the house that had been my prison for so long. But the doubt gnawed at me, a constant voice in the back of my head telling me that it was all just a dream, that things would never change.

“I don’t know how,” I whispered, my breath catching in my throat again. The panic was slowly building inside me, and I couldn’t stop it. My hands began to shake violently, and I felt like I was drowning in the tightness in my chest. The room began to spin, and I couldn’t seem to catch my breath.

“Chris,” I gasped, clutching at his shirt, “I can’t breathe…”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, you’re okay,” Chris said urgently, his hands moving to my shoulders, pulling me closer to him. “Just focus on me, okay? Focus on me. You’re safe. You’re safe with me.”

But the panic didn’t stop. My chest felt tight, my heartbeat erratic, and I couldn’t seem to calm down. Every breath I took felt shallow, as though the air wasn’t getting into my lungs. I could feel the walls closing in again, just like they did every time I let myself think about what my dad had done to me.

I began to tremble uncontrollably, my hands like ice against his warm skin. My head felt light, and I had to fight the overwhelming urge to collapse.

“Chris, I can’t…” I whispered between gasps, feeling the world slipping away from me. “I’m scared. I’m scared of what will happen if I can’t get away. I’m scared of him coming after me, of never being free.”

Chris’s eyes were frantic now, but he was still holding me steady, his voice unwavering. “You’re not alone in this, (Y/N). I won’t let you go through this alone, okay? You’re safe now. You’re with me. We’ll figure this out, I promise.”

He moved his hands down to my back, rubbing slow circles as he whispered over and over again, “Breathe. Just breathe. In… out… You’re okay. You’re going to be okay. I won’t let him hurt you again. I won’t let him hurt you anymore.”

I tried to focus on his voice, to let the steady rhythm of his words ground me, but my body wouldn’t stop shaking. My breath was still shallow, and I felt like I was drowning in the memories, in the fear of my dad’s hands on me, of his voice shouting at me, of the pain I’d felt when he told me I wasn’t worth anything.

But then, slowly, my breath started to steady. The panic began to recede, and I was left trembling in Chris’s arms, my chest heaving, but the overwhelming tightness starting to fade.

“You’re okay,” Chris said softly, brushing his thumb across my cheek. “You’re here with me. You’re safe. I’m not going anywhere.”

I closed my eyes, clinging to him like he was the only thing that could keep me from falling apart. But as much as I tried to believe it—tried to believe him—there was still a part of me that felt like I was trapped. Still a part of me that didn’t know how to escape the life I’d been born into.

But with Chris’s arms around me, his warmth seeping into me, I felt like maybe, just maybe, there was a chance for something different.

The room felt quieter now, the oppressive weight of my panic slowly lifting as Chris’s steady presence calmed the storm inside me. His arms, strong but gentle, still wrapped around me, and for the first time since I’d entered his house, I felt a sense of calm begin to settle deep in my chest. The world outside might still be chaotic, but here, in this space with him, I was allowed to be broken. I didn’t have to hide. And for once, that thought didn’t scare me—it comforted me.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered again, my voice barely audible. “I didn’t mean to freak out on you like that.”

Chris shook his head softly, pulling me a little closer. “You don’t ever have to apologize for that,” he said quietly, his voice calm but firm, as if wanting to erase the guilt I felt. “You’re allowed to feel whatever you’re feeling. I’m just glad you’re here. And I’m not going anywhere.”

I leaned into him, feeling his warmth seep through the thin fabric of my hoodie. The steady rhythm of his heartbeat against my ear was grounding. It was like listening to the sound of something real and tangible, something that wasn’t connected to the chaos that always seemed to follow me. His love, his presence—everything about him was real, and it was one of the only things I felt I could rely on.

The minutes stretched on, and gradually, the shaking in my body slowed. My breath deepened, and though I still felt raw, the sharpness of the panic attack had dulled into a more manageable ache. It was as though, piece by piece, I was learning to breathe again.

“Are you feeling better?” Chris asked after a moment, his voice low and careful, as if afraid to disturb the delicate balance we had found. He pulled back slightly to look at me, his eyes searching mine for any sign of distress.

I nodded, but my voice still trembled. “Yeah… just a little… dizzy. But better. Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” Chris murmured, wiping a stray tear from my cheek with the pad of his thumb. “I’m just glad I could help. You’re not alone, (Y/N). You never will be again.”

I swallowed hard, trying to suppress the lump in my throat. “I don’t know what I’d do without you,” I whispered, my voice thick with emotion. “You’ve always been there for me, Chris. Even when I didn’t deserve it.”

“Stop saying that,” he said firmly, his tone soft but resolute. “You’ve always deserved it. You deserve every bit of love and care in the world, (Y/N). You deserve to feel safe. You deserve to heal.”

His words lingered in the air between us, and for a moment, I felt a wave of gratitude rush over me. It was hard for me to accept that kind of love, to believe I was worthy of it, but I didn’t want to push him away anymore. Not when he was trying so hard to give me something I’d never had before.

We sat there for a while, neither of us saying much, just being in each other’s presence. It felt like time had slowed down in the most comforting way possible. The panic that had felt suffocating now seemed like a distant memory, and I realized, with a twinge of bittersweetness, how much I had missed moments like this. Moments where I didn’t have to pretend to be something I wasn’t.

Chris cleared his throat after a while, breaking the silence. “You know, I’ve missed this,” he said quietly, his fingers gently tracing the back of my hand. “I’ve missed having you around. I missed having you sleep over.”

My heart skipped a beat at his words. The memories of spending nights at his house, hiding away from the world, were so much clearer now. There was comfort in those late-night talks, in the sound of his brothers’ laughter echoing through the house, in the feeling of being part of something that wasn’t broken. Something that made me forget the things I had to escape at home.

“I missed it too,” I replied, the words escaping before I could stop them. “It was the only time I felt like… like I had a family, you know? Like I was safe.”

Chris’s gaze softened, and for a moment, I could see the tenderness in his eyes. “You are family, (Y/N),” he said. “You always have been. You’re just as much a part of us as Matt, Nick, and me. Don’t ever doubt that.”

I felt a lump in my throat at his words. It was hard to accept that kind of care, but somehow, with him, it didn’t feel as impossible. It felt like it might actually be real. “You guys were always the closest thing to family I had,” I said, my voice quieter now. “When I stayed at your house, it was like everything else faded away. Like I could breathe for the first time in so long.”

“I know,” he said, his voice soft, yet tinged with an almost protective edge. “That’s why I want you to come over more. And stay as long as you want, okay?”

I nodded, the idea of having a constant refuge growing more and more appealing. “I really appreciate you, Chris. More than you know.”

He smiled then, a small, soft smile, but it was enough to make my heart flutter. “You don’t need to thank me,” he said, reaching over and squeezing my hand gently. “You’re worth it. You’ve always been worth it.”

The words hung between us, and for a moment, I let myself believe them. I had spent so long thinking I wasn’t worthy of love, of care, but with Chris, it felt like I might just be wrong.

Chris then leaned back, a thoughtful expression on his face. “I was thinking… if you’re comfortable with it, you could sleep over tonight. We have a guest room, but if you want, you can sleep in my room too. Whatever makes you feel more comfortable.”

The thought of sleeping under the same roof as him, of being so close to him, made my heart race in ways I didn’t quite understand yet. But the idea of being in a space where I could truly rest—without the constant tension and fear of home—sounded like a dream.

“I… I’d like that,” I said softly, the words barely leaving my lips before Chris’s face broke into a smile.

“Good,” he said, his voice warmer now. “It’s settled, then. You’re staying.”

I smiled back at him, feeling a surge of appreciation flood through me. “Thank you. Really.”

Chris leaned in to kiss the top of my head, his breath warm against my hair. “You’re welcome. Now, go get some rest. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

The night was quiet, the only sound the soft hum of the air conditioning, the occasional creak of the house settling, and the faint sounds of traffic from outside. The room was dimly lit, soft moonlight streaming through the curtains. I stood by Chris’s door, my fingers tracing the edge of the frame, unsure of what to do next.

Chris had already prepared the guest room for me. The bed was neatly made, the pillows fluffed. But as I stood there, I realized something—something I hadn’t admitted to myself until now: I didn’t want to sleep alone. Not tonight. Not after everything that had happened.

I glanced over at Chris, who was sitting on the edge of his bed. His eyes were soft, yet filled with that familiar protectiveness I had come to rely on. He’d given me the option of sleeping in the guest room, but he didn’t press it. He just watched me, waiting for me to make up my mind. And somehow, that quiet patience made everything feel a little easier.

“Are you sure?” he asked gently, his voice low. “You don’t have to if you’re not ready.”

I nodded slowly, swallowing the knot in my throat. “I want to stay with you,” I whispered. The words felt vulnerable, like I was admitting something I’d been too afraid to admit even to myself. But as I looked at him, something in me softened. I didn’t have to be afraid here. Not with him.

Chris didn’t respond right away. He just smiled a little, that soft, comforting smile of his, the one that always made me feel like maybe everything wasn’t so broken after all. He patted the bed beside him, a simple invitation. “Come on then. Get comfortable.”

I hesitated, standing there in the middle of the room, still holding the hem of my oversized hoodie, feeling a strange mix of relief and anxiety. I had spent so many nights alone in my own bed, trying to sleep through the memories of my father’s anger, the shouts, the pounding fists, the feeling of being trapped in a house that never felt like home. But tonight, I wasn’t alone. Not really.

I crawled into the bed, my body feeling stiff, not quite sure what to do next. Chris kept his distance at first, settling in on his side of the bed, turning on his side to face away from me. His back was to me, but I could feel the space between us. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but it wasn’t the closeness I longed for either. I needed something more than distance, more than just his presence across the room.

I reached out tentatively, my hand brushing the edge of his shirt, and in a soft whisper, I said, “Chris?”

His body tensed for a split second, but he didn’t turn around. Instead, his voice was low, a little rough. “Yeah?”

“I… I don’t want to be alone tonight,” I said, barely able to form the words. The truth was, I was scared. Scared of the nightmares that might come, scared of the darkness and what it might bring. But more than that, I was scared of being vulnerable, of needing someone and not knowing how to ask for it.

Chris’s response was immediate. He turned around slowly, facing me, his expression soft, understanding. He didn’t say anything right away, but instead, he reached out, gently guiding me toward him. “You’re not alone, (Y/N). Not anymore,” he whispered, his voice full of conviction.

It wasn’t like I was scared—no, that wasn’t it—but there was a strange sense of comfort in being this close to someone who truly cared. Still, the distance between us remained for a moment, and I couldn’t help but feel a little unsure of myself.

Chris didn’t press, though. He just stayed where he was, pulling the covers up around him. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but I found myself inching closer, seeking the warmth of his body, the connection I had been craving but too scared to ask for.

And then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw him moving toward the small dresser by the bed. He started to unbutton his shirt, unaware that I was watching.

The suddenness of it made my heart skip a beat. My gaze followed his every movement, captivated by the way his body moved as he shed his shirt. He wasn’t being flashy or deliberate; it was just natural for him, the way he carried himself with a quiet confidence that made my stomach twist in the best way. I could see the muscles in his back shift as he pulled the shirt over his head, his toned body now exposed to the dim light of the room.

I hadn’t expected this—hadn’t expected the moment of stillness where I could appreciate him in his simplest form. He wasn’t trying to impress me, wasn’t posing or playing it up. It was just him.

And for the first time, I truly saw him. The sculpted shoulders, the defined muscles along his arms, the way his skin seemed to glow under the soft light, the gentle curve of his back. Everything about him was perfect. So perfectly human, so real, that it almost overwhelmed me.

Chris turned toward me then, his chest now bare, and I quickly looked away, my face flushing as I realized I had been staring. But before I could feel embarrassed, I caught him looking at me, that mischievous smile curling up at the corners of his lips.

“You okay?” he asked, his voice teasing but with an underlying softness. He knew exactly what I was thinking.

I swallowed, trying to find words. “I, uh… you look perfect,” I mumbled, the words slipping out before I could stop them.

He chuckled, not at all fazed by my awkwardness. “You’re the only one who thinks so.” He reached for the waistband of his sweatpants, pulling them down with ease and slipping into a fresh pair before sliding back into bed beside me.

But there was a softness in his movements now, a tenderness that came with his willingness to let me see him—let me in. He wasn’t just showing me his body, but his trust. And that meant more than anything.

As he settled back into bed, he turned toward me, the space between us finally closing as he reached out a hand. “You sure you’re okay?” he asked again, his voice so gentle that it made my heart ache.

I nodded, this time more certain. “I’m okay. I just… I missed being close to someone. To you.”

And then, he opened his arms.

I didn’t hesitate this time. My heart pounded in my chest, and with a mix of relief and hesitance, I scooted closer, curling up against his chest. The warmth of his body was comforting, a quiet reassurance that I wasn’t in this fight alone. His arms wrapped around me, pulling me in, his embrace tight but not suffocating. I felt his breath on the top of my head, steady and rhythmic, like a heartbeat.

For a moment, everything felt safe. The chaos of my mind, the pain of my past, all of it seemed to fade away as I listened to the sound of Chris’s heartbeat, the steady thrum of life that was so different from the anger and fear I’d been accustomed to. He was here, and for tonight, that was enough.

I let out a long, shaky breath, feeling my body relax in his arms. But I still couldn’t help the thoughts that crept into my mind—the way I felt so small in his arms, how much I had lost, and how little I had ever felt cared for. But then, as if sensing my discomfort, Chris moved slightly, adjusting his position so that we were closer, my head resting on his chest. His hand gently began to stroke my hair, his fingers threading through the strands in a slow, comforting rhythm.

His fingers continued to gently play with my hair, and I could feel the soft, steady rhythm of his hand. It was so soothing, the motion familiar in a way I couldn’t explain. It felt like home, like something I’d been searching for without even knowing it. His scent, that familiar cologne mixed with the clean scent of soap, enveloped me, and for the first time in so long, I felt like I could breathe.

His hand reached for mine then, his fingers lacing with mine in the quiet dark of the room. The simple connection was grounding, and as he pulled me closer, I felt something shift. I had been running from the past for so long, so afraid of what was behind me that I hadn’t realized how desperate I was for the present. For someone who cared.

“Your hair smells so good,” I said quietly, a small smile tugging at my lips. I had never noticed how comforting his scent was before. It was like a reassurance I hadn’t realized I needed.

He chuckled softly, the sound warm and genuine. “It’s just shampoo,” he teased, but I could tell he was pleased by my words. He continued to play with my hair, the action so tender that it almost made me feel like I was someone worth caring for.

“It’s not just shampoo,” I said softly, lifting my head a little to look at him. “It’s you. You’re… comforting, Chris. It’s like… I feel safe when I’m with you.”

I leaned my head against his chest, the steady beat of his heart beneath me calming the frantic pulse of my own. His arm wrapped around me as I settled more fully against him. I could feel his breath on the top of my head as he shifted, pulling me just a little closer.

“You know, I could get used to this,” I said, the words slipping out before I could fully process them. “I missed sleeping over at your house… when I could just escape home for a bit.”

Chris stiffened for a moment, as if processing my words. Then, he ran his fingers through my hair gently, his touch so soft that it almost felt like he was tracing the contours of my soul.

“I know,” he said quietly. “You’re welcome here anytime, (Y/N). Don’t ever feel like you can’t come over. It was never about just ‘hanging out,’ you know? I care about you. I always have.”

My chest tightened at his words, the weight of them sinking deep inside me. I closed my eyes, trying to take in the comfort of his embrace, trying to let myself believe him. I could feel the warmth of his body against mine, the quiet strength that emanated from him, and it made me feel safe in a way I hadn’t felt in a long time.

The words settled in my heart like a balm, soothing the wounds that had never quite healed. I felt his fingers moving slowly through my hair again, and this time, there was no rush. Just us, wrapped in the quiet security of knowing that we didn’t have to face the world alone.

As the night stretched on, I felt myself relax more, his steady breath and gentle touch lulling me into a peaceful stillness. He kept playing with my hair, his hand brushing over my forehead, smoothing out any lingering tension. The rhythm of his movements was comforting, and I found myself drifting, my eyelids growing heavier as I rested against his chest.

“I don’t ever want to leave,” I murmured, my voice barely a whisper now, sleep creeping in.

“You don’t have to,” Chris replied softly, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. “Stay as long as you need.”

And with that, I let myself fall into the warmth of his embrace, the first true rest I’d had in what felt like a lifetime.

“I don’t deserve you,” I whispered, the words barely escaping my lips, but somehow, they felt true.

Chris pulled back slightly, just enough to tilt my chin up so I could see his face. “You deserve everything, (Y/N). More than you know. Don’t ever forget that.”

I felt a lump form in my throat, but instead of pushing it down, I let it rise. Tears welled in my eyes as I looked at him, my heart aching with the need to express how much his words meant to me.

“You’re too good to me,” I said, voice breaking. “I don’t know how to repay you for all of this.”

He smiled softly, brushing a stray tear away from my cheek. “You don’t need to repay me. Just… let me be here for you. That’s all.”

His voice was so steady, so comforting, and as he pulled me back into his chest, I felt everything fall into place. For the first time in years, I didn’t feel so alone.

With Chris by my side, I had everything I needed.

A/N: Hey, loves! 💖 First off, thank you so much for making it this far. Your support honestly means the world to me, and I can't thank you enough. I know this chapter feels a little more low-key and maybe even rushed—life’s been a bit chaotic on my end—but I really wanted to take the time to dig deeper into the characters and their emotions. A special thanks to @bernardsbendystraws for being such an inspiration to this fic. You’ve truly helped shape the direction of this story!

This chapter touches on some really heavy topics, especially around eating disorders, and I hope it gets recognition! It's a difficult subject to navigate, but it's so important to shed light on it. I appreciate all of you who stick with me and support these moments in the story. You all keep me going!

If you or someone you care about is struggling with anorexia, please reach out to the helpline at [National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237 or text "NEDA" to 741741]. You are not alone, and there is always support available when you need it.

taglist: @swagalicious260 @watercolorskyy @coquettechris @lovesturni0l0s @christmastreecake @ellbowmacaroni @blog-luvdance @sophand4n4 @meg4-matt44

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fartcushion · 14 hours ago

Text

Farter Christmas

Santa sat by the fire in his favourite chair, about to start the second check of the Naughty or Nice list. A formality really, as mistakes were rare and with all the boys and girls being extra good for Christmas, the chance of slipping from Nice to Naughty was extremely low.

As he scrolled through it, he reached a particularly troubling duo. The twins; Bryan and Ryan Miller.

Bryan was the perfect little angel, all year round. His brother, Ryan, on the other hand was a terror. He made it his mission in life to be his brother's biggest bully. He would break his toys, steal his sweets and other acts of cruelty. He was particularly gross in his torture, one of his favourite acts was to take every opportunity to fart on him, especially if he could time it to be in Bryan's face.

Santa tutted, shaking his head. It appeared this year had been no different in the Miller household. Years of giving Bryan what he asked for in his letter, and leaving Ryan only coal had done nothing to teach the lesson. That good girls and boys get presents, and naughty children do not. It was as if for Ryan there was no greater gift than getting to bully his brother.

The boys stopped believing in Santa quite early; Ryan probably never truly believing and willing to assign the coal to his neglectful parents, their pathetic effort to try and change him. Bryan had believed, but as the abuse grew the magic of Christmas lost it's spark. Soon Santa had no power there anymore. Frustrated by his time honoured traditions limiting his influence, he kept an eye on the pair.

--------------------

Years passed and nothing changed as they became adults. Bryan remained good at heart despite the abuse, which only escalated as the pair grew older. But it had taken its toll, he was a lonely and timid man. Ryan stayed rotten to the core, becoming more sadistic as his antics went unchecked.

He used the same bullying tactics to get ahead at work, now he was a top manager. He'd even been able to hire a Personal Assistant, of which he gave the honour to Bryan. Since he had struggled to find work due his shyness, he'd been desperate for anything, which Ryan took full advantage of. Getting 40+ hours a week to fart on his brother, and being paid for it.

In the office on Christmas Eve, as the two readied to finish for the holiday, they were unaware how things were finally about the change.

"It's been great having you work for me this past year, feel like you've been a real asset"

Bbbrrrppp

Ryan let out a fart to emphasize the ass in asset.

A sniffing noise could be heard from under Ryan's desk.

"Do you like working for your brother?"

Bbbrrrrppppppp

*sniff* "Yes, I do, sir. Thank you again for the opportunity "

Ryan let out a final toot before standing up from his desk and releasing his brother who began to crawl out. Ryan reached down and pushed Bryan's face into the seat of his chair so he could enjoy the days scent.

"You're welcome. Now don't forget, even though the office is closed from Boxing Day through New Years, I expect you to come in. I've got some reports I'm behind on so I'll need you to do those for me".

"Of course, sir. I'm happy to do that" Bryan muffled in to the cushion.

"Good boy. Right, I'm off. Make sure you have the farts out of that chair before you go. I'll see you tomorrow at mom and dad's. Don't forget to bring my gifts for them".

"I won't, sir". Not lifting his face from the chair, Bryan called after his brother as he was heading for the door. "Erm, sir, I'm sorry to ask. But...I was told earlier this year I'd be getting a Christmas bonus. I haven't heard anything though"

Ryan smirked, unseen by his brother, and walked back to behind the desk where his downtrodden brother was still dutifully sniffing.

"Oh, hadn't you heard?! I'm sorry to say that the bonuses were cancelled this year. Despite all us managers arguing for them to honoured"

"Oh...I see... That's a shame, I really could have used the money. But, I'm sure you did everything you could".

"I really did, I would appreciate your gratitude for my efforts" and with that Ryan turned his ass to his brother. Bryan, taking the hint, leant forward and kissed his ass.

Pppprrrpppp

For the rest of the night Ryan had been laughing and smirking to himself every time he thought of that moment. His pathetic brother, face down in his chair, believing he'd fought for his bonus. Oh he'd fought alright, he argued that his assistant didnt deserve it, that he missed some key targets and so wasn't viable. Ryan was reminiscing fondly on that brilliant ploy of his as he fell asleep.

In the room there arose such a clatter that Ryan awoke with a start. The room was lit as if by dozens of candles, but none could be seen. But in the room there was a large man. Dressed in a luxurious red velvet suit, with white fur trim and gold buttons. On top of his head a hat of the same cloth. Ryan could see him from his bed, but nothing else, as he was unable to move. As he struggled and writhed, the man in the room just let out a chuckle.

"Oh, hohoho, you won't get out of that"

Ryan lifted his head as much as he could and caught sight of large ribbons wrapped around him, mummifying him.

"Little Ryan Miller, all grown up now. You were always a very naughty boy. You made your brother suffer as children and now as adults. I didn't help when you were young, and I have regretted that,l dearly, so I'm here now to right that wrong".

"Fuck you talking about, you crazy weirdo" Ryan screamed. Thrashing in his constraints. "Bryan, is that you? Is this some ridiculous attempt to stand up to me?"

The man stepped closer and Ryan could see it was not his brother in disguise. His white long beard was real. The man was old, though still fresh faced and rosy cheeked, but his eyes gave away his age. Windows to a tired, ancient soul.

"Noo, Ryan. It's me, Santa, and I'm here to teach you a very important lesson".

Santa moved to the side of the bed. "I thought a fitting punishment would be to give you a taste of your own medicine.

Santa stepped up on to the bed, Ryan caught sight of his large shiny black leather boots. As Santa stood over him, Ryan could see the bulk of the man. His gut stretching the coat. He watched as the man turned around, his trousers pulled tight across his large, fat ass, as if threatening to tear.

Ryan desperately struggled against the bindings as Santa lowered himself down. His ass fully engulfing Ryan's face. His cheeks pooled over the side of Ryan's head, on to the pillows.

Muffled cries came from beneath, Santa just wriggled his ass back and forth until the sound stopped. Lifting himself back up off his victim he looked behind him, Ryan had passed out.

The cold air woke Ryan, chilly wind biting at his nose. He opened his eyes, confused by what was happening. Had that been a dream? No it couldn't have been. He was clearly outside, looking up at the night's sky. He couldn't move still and worse now his head seemed to be in a box or something, he could turn slightly, but only enough before hitting the edge of the window he was looking through. His nose and mouth sticking out in to the air. Where the fuck was he, and where was the crazy man who thought he was Santa? Ryan thought.

Not long passed before he heard footsteps. Crunching of boots on snow.

Then the man's face reappeared, looking down at him.

"Oh good, you're awake now. We did quite a few towns while you were out, I was worried you'd miss out on too much of my punishment".

"LET ME OUT YOU PSYCHOPATH!"

"Now, now, Ryan. Name calling is very naughty behaviour. I told you, I'm here to teach you a lesson". He moved out of view for a second, he climbed up causing Ryan's prison to tilt under his weight.

Santa shuffled in to view again, once more his ass in Ryan's field of view.

"I had the elves work on a special sleigh for me. Which you're in now. This hole you're looking through is in the seat. I'm going to take you with me as I deliver presents. Your face is going to be the perfect cushion"

As Ryan started to cry for help, Santa sat down. His wide rear filling the sleigh seat, his cheeks parting to allow Ryan's nose into his crack. The material of his trousers was soft on Ryan's skin. The warmth was a welcome change from the cold air. But the stench was not.

Santa chuckled to himself, his plan finally being enacted. Sometimes you just had to punish the wicked, he'd learned that too late. He set the reindeers off and spoke calmly. His magic allowed Ryan to hear perfectly despite the whistling wind and the large ass covering his face.

"Shall we begin, Ryan. Don't bother answering, I can't hear you. I'm going to go down this special naughty list I made for you. It lists every misdeed you've done. For each one I read out I'm going to fart in your face. You like doing that to other people don't you, do you find it as funny when you're on the receiving end?"

Pffftt

"There's a taster for you".

The airy fart hit Ryan, he couldn't escape it.

"Now, I know what you're thinking. There's no way I can fart enough to cover everything on the list. Well good news, I'm about to be eating a lot of cookies, mince pies and all the other treats boys and girls leave out for me around the world. Oh and don't get me started on what all that milk does to me! Mrs Claus is going to be thrilled this year to not have to put up with all my gas. Now I have my little sniffer here to take it all" Santa wriggled his ass back and forth. The seat was built well; Santa's weight was held off enough that Ryan wouldn't pass out from suffocation, but it meant his nose would still bury deep. Deeper with each wriggle.

"Right, here we go, let's start with this recent one. You stole your brother's Christmas bonus! Oh naughty naughty"

Pppprrrbbbb

Ryan heard his crime read out and the echoing rip of the fart that followed. He was furious. But all he could think about was the odour. It smelt like boiled sprouts.

"That's it, breath it in, my farts are as rotten as your behaviour. I may be magical but my farts still stink, boy. Remember how you cancelled the office Christmas party so you could make up for the losses from your poor performance"

BBBBPPPTTTT

"This is for making Bryan work next week when he isn't being paid, again to cover your ass"

BBBBBBFFFFFTTTTT

Ryan didn't think he could take much more of this. He was desperate for fresh air, all he could smell was the pungent sweaty ass and then a sudden rush of foul stench, that hissed, boomed and ripped from the hole millimetres from his nose.

Suddenly cold air rushed and the darkness was replaced with pale light as Santa stood up to deliver his next present.

"Please" Ryan pleaded. "Please, no more"

"Oh, Ryan, you haven't learned your lesson yet, you just don't want to accept your punishment. Now shush". Magically a bauble gagged his mouth, preventing him saying anything more.

"I don't want you making noise and waking the children", and off Santa went to make the delivery.

Before long Ryan was back under the warmth of his ass. As they were now in a large town the stops were frequent, so he got more air breaks between farts. But Santa had chosen particularly heinous crimes of his to justify particularly bad farts. They started to smell like spoilt milk.

"Remember when you threw you brothers college acceptance letter in the bin and told him they rejected him, all so you didn't lose your punching bag"

Ppppprrrrrrrrbbbbbbbb

'"That time you slept with the girl he liked..

Bbbpptt

In his bed!"

Ppppbbbbfffttt

The night passed on. As Santa read his list he let fart after fart out on Ryan's face. The smell changed with each country's food offering, but it was always vile.

”You sold his puppy and told your parents he let it escape"

Bbbbrrrrbbppp

"In front of all his friends at your birthday party you made him eat cake you'd farted on"

Pppbbtt prrrrbbbb

"The next time he made a friend and invited him over, you stuffed the kids head in the toilet, and he never spoke to Bryan again!"

Pprrrrppp

The ball gag was aching Ryan's jaw. His nose was sore from being crushed up against the hole for so long as Santa had truly mastered wriggling it deep up in there.

His body ached from lying still in the small prison. He thought hard about each and every act Santa read out, trying to find an shred of remorse within himself. Maybe if he could convince Santa he was sorry he'd end this. But it just wasn't there. He was better than everyone. His brother was pathetic. He fucking loved having him as his bitch. Each fart Santa unleashed just made him angrier, and he started plotting what he'd do to Bryan when he was free.

More time passed, a blink of the eye for the world but hours for Santa and Ryan.

At the next and final stop, Santa sighed. Shuffled over he looked down at Ryan through the hole. His face sad.

"Oh Ryan, this isn't working is it. I know. I see you when you're sleeping and I know when you're awake. Do you think I can't tell what you're thinking" he showed Ryan the list he'd been reading off. "Every time you plan revenge on Bryan it appears on the list as a potential. I dont think this is going to work out the way I hoped".

Ryan did his best to try and hide the smug satisfaction he was feeling. At least this the old fat man knew he'd been beat, and would take him home.

"But I can't let you go. I didn't help Bryan before, but I can help him now. You've been a great sniffer for me tonight. I've not smelt any of those farts. Not holding them in means for the first time in decades I'm not feeling all bloated, makes it much easier to get down those chimneys. No, I'm sorry. But if I can't let you go for risk you'll hurt the innocent, you'll have to stay with me. My naughty little fart sniffer. Maybe in time poems will be written, songs sung and books wrote that tell the cautionary tale of what happens to the naughty children if they don't learn to be good before they grow up"

Ryan couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"You'll come to the North Pole with me now, I'll use my time magic to freeze you until the next Christmas, and we'll go again. Maybe one day you'll learn the lesson, I guess that's up to you".

With another sigh, Santa slid back over Ryan's face. Covering it one more time. Letting out the odd fart, only this time Santa didn't bother to read from his crime list, it wasn't needed now. He was just here to sniff farts.

Santa stopped projecting his voice to Ryan, leaving him to the rattling of the sleigh and constant echoing of his farts. Taking the reigns he urged on the reindeer.

"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!

On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!...AND SNIFFER!"

#fart story #face fart #fart kink #fart slave #eproctophilia #gay fart #festive farts

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raccoon-coded · 2 days ago

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I love this scene so much. It is so powerful.

You can see it in his face. This is the moment where Rocket transforms into the person we know him as in Vol. 1.

In this moment he realises he's truly alone. He got to fly into the sky but his friends didn't. And even if he blames the High Evolutionary more, he still blames himself too. It's survivor's guilt. Maybe if he had run when he had the chance, he could've succeeded in at least getting the other two out of there, but by the time he'd stopped seeing red, it was too late. They'd begged him to stop. To go. He didn't listen. He'd promised them all he'd fix it. He'd promised to show them the sky. He'd failed.

In this moment we see Rocket harden.

He's lost his innocence. He is never going to be naive enough to be manipulated again. He won't ever let himself be caged again. He won't be touched by cruel hands again, and be won't be used.

To ensure this, he won't ever trust again. Because he trusted his creator and he was betrayed.

He won't ever love again. If he cares about someone, he'll let them down and they'll get hurt. The only ones he ever loved are gone and all that's left in their place is pain.

And if love only brings pain, then he doesn't want it.

He will not allow himself to be hurt again.

There is so much pain he's holding onto. But he's already cried and that got him mocked. It lost him time he could have used to help his remaining friends escape. So he pushes it down and focuses on the other feeling: the rage. More than anything right now, he's angry. Angry at the cruelty, angry at the injustice, angry at himself, angry at the whole damn universe. Anger is easier than grief, so he latches onto it. Grief will only slow him down, but anger will keep him going. It was the anger that had granted him his freedom, after all.

He will keep going and he won't show mercy to anyone who stands in his way. Why should he? He wasn't shown any. His kind, innocent friends were shown none.

If the only way to survive in this galaxy is to be cruel and calculated, then he'll be cruel. If his friends had been less kind, less trusting, and more ruthless, maybe they'd still be here with him. But they weren't, and they're not. He's the last one standing.

He's alone.

...

Thankfully his resolve changes with time as he does find good people to trust and to love, but it takes him a very long time to get there and he self sabotages along the way. He was so young at the time and this experience shaped his whole life view. It took a lot for him to shake these values that had helped him to survive for so long, and to realise that they had become detrimental to him. But he got there eventually, and for maybe the first time in his life, he's finally genuinely happy. He's finally free from his past and has let go of the guilt and self hatred that he's carried for so long. He has a family who loves him and who he loves in return, and he has a purpose in life. Rather than hurting others for his benefit like he used to, now he's helping them. Protecting those who can't protect themselves. Maybe he couldn't do that before with his first friends, but he can now with others who are counting on him now. Rather than hating the galaxy like he once did, he's found love for it.

He no longer feels so alone.

And I'm so damn proud of him.

#rocket raccoon #guardians of the galaxy #guardians of the galaxy volume 3 #rocket gotg #rocket #gotg #marvel #mcu #film analysis #character analysis #scene analysis #character deep dive #rocket my beloved #my beloved raccoon

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writerfae · 3 days ago

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Christmas movie au Advent Calendar 🎄

Day Twenty-Three:🌠ChristmasCard🌠

Christmas special tag list: @bunnymermaidsblog @deadlycupid @dustylovelyrun @ladywithalamp @sleepy-night-child @theguywithnonickname

The rest of the day was nothing but a blur to him, like looking through a frozen window.

He remembered calling his father.

He remembered his father scolding him like he was a little child and demanding for him to come home immediately.

He said he would.

And he remembered Halea, calling him afterwards, worried because of the way his voice sounded when he had talked to his father.

“Oh Talon, I’m so sorry. What are you gonna do now?”

“Leave.”

He didn’t say come home, because it didn’t feel right.

“You heard father, he wants me to come back and will send someone else to do the deal.”

“And you want to just let that happen?”

“No. No, I don’t. But I have no idea how to get Mr. Ashwood to change his mind and build his project somewhere else.”

“And Aiden? You said you’re in love with him. You can’t just give up like that. It will only make you unhappy.”

“Aiden doesn’t want to see me anymore. I’m not gonna mess up his life even more by staying.”

Halea didn’t seem persuaded.

And if Talon was quite honest to himself, neither was he.

He didn’t want to leave. He wanted to fix this thing with Aiden.

If he didn’t want him back, if he couldn’t have him, Talon at least wanted to help him.

He would’ve bought the farm grounds himself if it wasn’t for Mr. Ashwood, if only it meant Aiden and his family could stay there.

It’s not like he couldn’t afford that, technically, he still had the money Kieran inherited him and that wasn’t a small amount.

But he knew how unrealistically high the guy’s offer was, more than the grounds were worth, if he was quite honest.

He’d have to get him out of the way to even have a chance.

But how?

Maybe he would find a way to do it when he was back home, his father wouldn’t send another one of his workers until at least January.

He at least had to try, that’s what he owed Aiden.

He missed him.

He missed him so much, even though it’s only been a day.

It was nice outside, fresh snow had fallen over night and the view from his window looked like the picture on a Christmas postcard.

But it all had lost its magic to Talon.

Seeing all that snow only suffocated him now and he turned away, facing the room instead.

It was a mess.

His coat still lay on the floor by the door, where Talon had left it. His bed was unmade, his open suitcase lay on top of it, his stuff strewn around the room.

He sighed, starting to collect the clothes that were lying around.

His car would be ready soon (he had to bring it to the mechanic because it stood around unmoved for so long it had not one but two flat tires. Talon found that quite symbolic and fitting to the overall situation of his life) and he had already told Greta that he’d leave earlier than planned, so once he had packed it was time to go.

He didn’t want to leave, really, he didn’t.

His heart was revolting against his mind, against the rational part of Talon, who said that staying had no use.

Whatever it was he had with Aiden was over now, Aiden didn’t want him in his life anymore.

And he didn’t manage to fulfill his initial goal in this town anyway (not that he’d ever wanted to do it ever since he got to know the people here).

So it was only logical to leave.

And Talon was nothing if not logical.

Even if it hurt.

His view fell on something inside of the suitcase.

The green sweater with the red and white nordic pattern was neatly folded and tucked away safely in a corner.

Talon couldn’t tell why he brought uncle Kieran’s sweater here with him in the first place.

He hadn’t worn it in years, had almost forgotten about it over the time.

When he had packed for his trip and noticed the sweater in the very corner of his wardrobe, he had put it in his suitcase without thinking about it much.

And now there it was. Reminding Talon of the comfort it always used to bring him, years ago.

After hesitating for only a moment, he grabbed the sweater and unwrapped the book he had wrapped inside of it, carefully placing it on the bed.

He pulled the shirt he currently wore over his head and put on his uncle’s sweater instead.

With a mixture of shock and awe did he notice that he had grown into it. It always used to be too big on him, the sleeves almost reaching his fingertips, but not anymore.

His mother used to say how similar Talon looked to his uncle. Looking in the mirror now, he could see it, too.

The book he had put to the side slipped from the bed, landing on the ground with a loud thud that made Talon wince.

He bend down to put it away, when he noticed that something had fallen out of it.

Talon picked it up, examining it. It was a postcard.

There was a Christmas motif on it of a Santa carrying a Christmas tree before the background of a snowy forest.

A little corny, but still pretty.

Talon stood abruptly.

Not just because the Santa in this postcard looked awfully familiar (he dismissed this one as imagination) but because he registered what he was holding there.

This was the Christmas postcard he got from his uncle, the one he gifted him on their very last Christmas together. The one he never had the heart to read.

He almost dropped the postcard, so fast did he turn it around.

On the back, written in his uncle's neat handwriting, stood his usual Christmas greeting and under it the message he had left Talon, his last words of advice for him.

Always follow your heart.

Tears gathered in his eyes again. Talon was surprised he still had any left.

He ran a hand over the words of his uncle. They sounded just like him. It made Talon smile.

His eyes locked on the red scarf that lay next to his suitcase, carefully folded together.

He hadn’t been sure if he should keep it or let Greta give it back to Aiden.

So it lay next to his suitcase all day, untouched.

Waiting.

On top of it rested the little reindeer figure Aiden had gifted him, gently bedded on the soft red fabric of the scarf.

Talon couldn’t help but stare at it, a thousand thoughts running through his heads.

Thoughts of Aiden, of their time together.

“You said you’re in love with him. You can’t just give up like that.”

“The frost can only make us shiver if we let it in.”

“Always follow your heart.”

Stay. His heart screamed. Fight.

Stay. Stay. Stay.

He carefully put the postcard down and reached for the reindeer figure instead, gently swiping a finger over the little piece of art.

If he’d leave now, he’d never be able to look at it again.

It reminded him of Aiden in so many ways.

Like that time when they saw an actual reindeer at the…

Talon’s thoughts came to a halt abruptly.

The reindeers. Of course. How didn’t he realize sooner?

“A wild reindeer,” Aiden had told him back then. “A bunch of them live here on our property.”

It may not have been birds, but still… this was worth a try.

Maybe, maybe it could work.

This way he could at least help Aiden’s family.

Clutching the reindeer figure in his one hand, he grabbed for his phone with the other, dialing the number of his best friend.

“Halea, I need you to help me…”

#writer speaks #writeblr #wip: the knights of the alder #Christmas movie au #Christmas movie au: Advent calendar 2024 #writing #my writing

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zombeebunnie · 3 days ago

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Trembling Essence:💙CG work and clean up!💙

Hello hello guys and welcome new followers, here's how everything is go so far!

This week went by really fast and I managed to get more completed when I had the chance.

Sadly, this post is a little delayed because the battery to my computer shorted out and died. In good news I managed to save 85%(?) of what I did but the progress towards the end was lost and I need to save up for a new battery. I might open up chibi commissions through ko-fi, I just need time to set it up. :,]

Clean up progress:

Outside of testing, grammar checking, etc, the beginning of the cabin part leading up to this section is nearly done!

I finished balancing the choices and alternate dialogs depending on how close you are with Noah. One or two of these also have 1* more choice added to sort of give a vague response that doesn't force the player(Y/N) to choose the "good" choice. I fixed a small glitch where a change in scenery abruptly popped up on the screen instead of fading towards it. More of Noah's sprites have also been adjusted as well to give the player(Y/N) a better read on his expressions during certain dialog scenes. The original sprites I placed had Noah coming off as if he's blushing/flustered when it's just that the situation is awkward between the both of you.

Afternoon route:

I was only able to fix up the rest of this route once you wake up and go with Noah into the kitchen. This section specifically is where I lost about 15% of progress. Most of what I did here was fix up the dialog and have it line up depending on how you talk to Noah before this route finishes out the rest of the day. I also found a glitch where past choices with Noah finding you in the swamp didn't match up correctly when the both of you talk together in the kitchen. :,]

Mini-quality of life update:

I also updated a few choices by adding " " to the ones where the player(Y/N) is speaking to Noah versus it being an action. I'm still getting use to doing this so adjusting everything will take a bit of time. :[]

New scenes:

I talked a bit about this in past game development posts but I'm not sure if I posted screenshots since I was still going through everything. To sum it up, these are immersive updates towards the game that aren't in the [Extended demo]. Some scenes went on a little too long and had the player(Y/N) just staring at the living room CG even if something else is being described in the cabin. The new CG's of Noah I added fixes some of it but I wanted the dialog to visually match up with what you see on screen a bit more too! This also includes the new dialog/scenes of Noah's hospitality towards the player(Y/N) and parts taking place in different areas of the living room.

If you like what I create, please consider supporting what I do on kofi! All donations and tips help tremendously while I continue to work on the game. Since the battery to my computer shorted out and died I might open up chibi commissions through here, i just need time to figure it out. Thank you to those that optionally bought the [Extended Demo] on itch.io. :,]

Q&A / Ask box is open:

To know and understand Noah through Asks and random posts about lore, they'll be under #Get to know: Noah ! :]

**Some asks won't be answered if it contains spoilers but I do appreciate what I receive. :]

If you have any questions about Trembling Essence/Noah feel free to ask here or on itch.io please. This makes it easier for me to see and answer accordingly! I enjoy hearing from you guys!

A big thank you to everyone and the recently influx of support and encouragement, happy early Merry Christmas!!

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sturniololuv08 · 3 days ago

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On The Ninth Day Of Nickmas...

Day 9 of Juno's 12 Days Of Nickmas

He kissed me. Nick thought about it over and over. He felt stupid. He hardly reacted, and now Jared probably thinks he isn't interested in him like that. Was he into Jared like that? He knew everything would change for them, but would that be so bad?

"How was your night?" Chris popped up out of nowhere, causing Nick to jump.

"It was fine," Nick mumbled.

"What time did Jared leave?" Chris pried.

"A little bit after you guys dipped." Nick felt his cheeks flush.

"Any plans with him today?" Chris wasn't subtle about anything.

"Why all the questions? Damn." Nick stood up and walked off to his room. He flopped on his bed and sighed. He was an idiot for being all up in his feelings like this, but he couldn't stop thinking about everything. He was thinking all the way back, even to the first time they met. He pulled out his phone and clicked around until he was in his car video folder. He watched their secret video more than he'd ever admit. He smiled at the thought of the fans clipping and making edits of him and his best friend. He never put any more thought into how their fans would react to him and Jared. The video played on a loop a few times as he got lost in the moment. The video ended without their lips touching, but now he could replay the kiss they shared last night to finish it.

"Hey, Nick." Nick shot up from lying down.

"Jared?" He wasn't expecting to see him so soon after their shared moment. His phone smacked his chest.

"I thought we could do something today. Christmas shop for your bros? Watch a movie?" Jared's demeanor changed once he saw Nick being uncomfortable around him. He didn't forget what happened last night. He just wanted to pretend he did. He wasn't going to bring it up unless Nick did.

"Sure." Nick picked his phone up and closed out the car video.

"What do you want to do?"

"We could go shopping." Nick doesn't usually opt to go out, but he feels more nervous about staying in and spending time alone with Jared. He wanted to use going out as a chance to see how Jared felt about last night without all the pressure from being alone. He wasn't going to bring it up unless Jared did.

"Great, Matt said I could use the car." Jared held up the keys.

"Oh, he did." Nick felt like Matt was silently plotting since they shared that quick talk at the ski lodge.

"Come on." Jared nodded at the door. Nick got up and searched for his wallet and some shoes. After they were in the car, the air was stiff. Nick was sitting in the passenger seat, completely unsure of what to do with his hands. Jared had both hands on the wheel, gripping it tight enough to turn his knuckles white. The radio was playing some shitty Christmas song. Nick turned it up to try and lessen the feeling of suffocating. Jared eventually parked at the mall.

"The mall?" Nick gulped.

"Yeah?" Jared cocked a brow at him.

"It's going to be pretty busy. You know, with Christmas in two days." Nick looked at the parking lot, which had a lot of different cars.

"I just figured it had the most stores in one spot." Jared shrugged as he unbuckled. Nick nodded, seeing his reasoning. They walked in, and Nick held the door for Jared. The door led them into the main bookstore at the front. To get inside the rest of the mall, you had to walk through the large archway at the back of the store. They sniffed the dusty paper smell emulating off each freshly printed book as they walked through the rows. "We could get Matt a journal, maybe?" Jared stopped and looked at a few leather-bound pads of paper.

"Yeah." Nick backtracked his steps to be next to Jared. They picked one out together, and Jared purchased it. They continued further into the mall. Nick bought coffee to sip while they weaved around people. It was mainly so he was forced to bite his tongue and not say anything to Jared. It was an oral fixation for him to bite the straw while he watched Jared examine each item he debated on buying. They managed to have regular conversations for them, and Nick was starting to feel better about yesterday not being brought up. They bought a few new things for Matt and Chris and were on their way to Jared's favourite store.

"Nick?" His head swiveled. "Oh my god, you're Nick Sturniolo." A group of girls caught him in the crowd. As if he wasn't irritated enough from his thoughts about Jared and the crowded mall, he now had to pretend not to be.

"Hi." He waved sweetly.

"We won't bother you long, but could we get a picture?" They giggled.

"Sure. Jared, would you?" The girls smiled and looked at one another when Nick handed their phone to Jared. This wasn't the first time a fan had spotted Nick while out, but this was Jared's first involvement. He fumbled their phone, shocked Nick brought his presence into the interaction.

"Thank you so much." The girls gushed as they started posing silly with their idol.

"Yeah. That's good." Jared encouraged.

"Okay. Have a nice day. Merry Christmas." Nick shut down the interaction. As Jared and Nick walked off together, Jared peeked behind him and saw the girls still taking photos without Nick paying attention.

"Are you okay?" Jared was starting to feel Nick's tension rubbing off on him.

"Yeah, we've been here a while, and I hate people." Nick looked around at the crowd surrounding them.

"Ready to go home?" Nick just nodded. Jared grabbed his hand and led him through the sea of bodies. Nick followed, contently tugged along. They made it to the car, and Jared tucked the presents in the back seat while Nick got in. The drive home was the same suffocating silence. Just when Nick thought he was over yesterday, he wasn't. The car was parked, and they were just sitting in the awkward silence.

"You want to watch a movie?" Nick sighed. He felt terrible that his attitude ruined most of the mall for Jared.

"Yeah, that sounds nice." Jared grabbed all the bags and successfully snuck them into Nick's upstairs room. Nick started loading Netflix on his desktop monitor. "What are we watching?"

"Please don't make fun of me." Nick was already embarrassed by his choice.

"Okay...?" Jared sat on the bed and took his shoes off.

"I've been obsessed with Netflix's Princess Switch trilogy." Nick waited to be judged.

"The one with Vanessa Hudgens, right?" Jared knew very well that was the one.

"Yes." Nick swiveled around fast.

"It's amazing." Jared laughed at the fact Nick thought he would be judged.

"It's soo good." Nick gushed. He joined Jared on the bed and got comfy. The movie started playing creating soft background noise. Jared laid back and was close to Nick. The first movie finished and Jared got up and stretched.

"I should probably go."

"You could stay the night if you want." Nick avoided Jared's gaze.

"I don't have anything comfy." Jared looked down at his jeans and tight shirt.

"Funny you should mention that." Nick got off the bed and opened the closet. He grabbed a wrapped-up ball.

"Nick..." Jared rolled his eyes and smirked.

"Just open it," he pressed. He had this present for a while, so it wasn't as extravagant as it probably should have been after they had shared a kiss, but it was the thought that counted, right? Jared unraveled the crappy, wrapped-up ball. Something dropped on the bed. He held it up.

"Pajamas?" Jared looked at Nick.

"Matching ones." He answered back and grabbed his pair out of the closet.

"Thank you." Jared started stripping. Nick gawked briefly, then turned around, not because he hadn't seen Jared change before but because it never made him flustered before. He felt a tingling sensation behind his boxers and started to panic. Jared couldn't see him getting turned on.

"I'm gonna get us something to drink." Nick darted out of the room and down the stairs. This didn't even happen when they kissed yesterday. "Why now?" Nick whispered as he opened the fridge.

"Why what?" Chris appeared behind him.

"Chris!" He yelled.

"What?" Chris stepped back, expecting to get hit for scaring his brother.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting a Pepsi." He grabbed it out of the open fridge and popped the tab on the can.

"Whew." Nick sighed loudly. Chris's scaring him was precisely what he needed to cool down. He went back upstairs empty-handed and saw Jared in his new outfit.

"Where are the drinks?" Jared asked.

"I totally forgot." Nick wasn't lying. "Chris scared me, and I forgot."

"I'll get them." Jared left the room. Nick changed fast to make sure Jared didn't walk in and accidentally heat him up again. Once he was back with drinks, Nick started playing the second Princess Switch. They were on the bed again in the same positions, but this time a few inches closer. The movie was rolling through, but Nick couldn't stop looking at Jared. He'd sneak glances over and over, trying to figure out what was going on in his best friend's mind.

"Do you wanna talk?" Nick whispered. His voice was weak.

"About what?" Jared again decided to play stupid. He didn't want to offer up any information without being wholly prompted to do so.

"Anything?" Nick chickened out. Jared rolled to his side, and his leg lapped over Nick. Nick felt his body heating up again. He turned to face his best friend. He saw Jared with a slight blush creeping on either side of his nose.

"We don't have to talk about it," Jared assured Nick. He knew his best friend well. Well enough to know that's what he wanted to talk about but also well enough to know he was stubborn enough to avoid it for forever.

"Okay." Nick sighed and closed his eyes. Then he felt the bed shifting, and he opened them.

"We don't have to talk about it, but I want to do it again," Jared whispered right on Nick's lips. Jared didn't wait for any confirmation. He pressed his lips to Nick's. He leaned further into Nick and grabbed below his ear. He pulled Nick by the neck and forced him to roll over on top of him. Jared wasn't sure what any of this meant from yesterday, but he planned on exploring it all the way through. Nick decided he didn't want to ruin the moment by freezing up again and he submitted. After rolling over on top of Jared, he ran his fingers through his hair. Jared moaned, enjoying the sensation. Nick felt himself get hard from the noises Jared was making beneath him. Jared grabbed Nick's waist and squeezed. Nick liked the feeling of being physically intimate but he still was unsure if crossing this line with his best friend was worth losing him if it didn't work out. Nick broke the kiss off.

"You're -"

"I'm still your best friend." Jared beat him to the punch. Nick's mouth gaped open a little. Jared was tired of talking, even though they only exchanged a few words, and grabbed Nick's neck again for control of the younger boy. Jared didn't want to get rough but wanted to be in charge. He continued to kiss all over Nick's face and ended sweetly on the tip of his nose. "Let's go to sleep," Jared whispered. Nick nodded.

"Yeah." He was completely hard again and knew Jared could feel it, but he didn't want to push into something they both might not be quite ready for yet. Nick fell off Jared's stomach and slid under the covers. Once under the covers, Jared grabbed Nick and pulled him into him. Their legs intertwined and Nick was breathing in Jared's chest. "Still don't have to talk about it?" Nick asked in a joking manner.

"Shh. Go to sleep." Jared hushed him. He kissed Nick's forehead softly and settled back down on the pillows. Nick wanted to talk about it now.

Taglist: @trevorsgodmother @strnilolover @chrissbug333 @kirby0strombolli @abbilmao @ksturnz @marrykisskilled @thenickgirl (Okay I know this one had to get you going... just a lil????)

#junos 12 days of nickmas #12 days of christmas #12 days of nickmas #nicolas sturniolo christmas #nicolas antonio sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #nick christmas #nick sturniolo

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descenderintofantasy · 2 days ago

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What if it was Cinderella who tipped Beast off that Hook was hiding in Wonderland? Maybe she would inquire yearly if Captain Hook was found and brought to the Isle yet because she still hoped that even though it was the last time they ever spoke and it had ended in a fight, she still held out hope that Bridget had listened to her warning about Hook.

But the more time that passed that Hook was free, she suspected that Bridget had "fallen under Hooks spell" and that she was harboring him in Wonderland. And so she told Beast her suspicions and said that if Hook was hiding in Wonderland, it was because he was manipulating Bridget, and if so, Bridget should be pardoned because she wasn't "thinking straight".

So, during the AP coup, Cinderella said something to Bridget like, "I know this isn't the real you," and something about how being with a villain for years had and still was influencing her behavior even after so long away from him. When Bridget denies this, Cinderella says something along the lines of Hook being taken to the Isle of the Lost was for what was for Bridget's own good because he's a villain.

Just imagine the absolute fury that Bridget feels after this revolution because this, more than anything, is the ultimate betrayal. Her once best friend was not only the reason her husband was taken away from her but also her oldest children who were so young. On top of all that, Bridget still thinks that her family is DEAD.

Oh gods....I'd never thought I say this, but NO WONDER Bridget beheaded her! In this context, Cinderella is basically either indirectly or directly responsible for EVERYTHING that went WRONG in Bridget's life!

In this context, I can actually get BEHIND Red pronouncing Cinderella as a traitor...becuse she WAS a traitor. She took away the one bit of happiness her friend found! She took away Red's chance of a CHILDHOOD!

And the sad, ironic thing is is that HOOK was probably the most HONEST person out of everyone to Bridget. He never lied to her. He never hid the fact that he was a villain.

Whereas Cinderella and the 'good guys' are tearing Bridget apart left and right!

This SERIOUSLY changed my perspective of the movie!

Thanks for the ask! :D

#descendants rise of red #hook x bridget #hookedheart family #hookedheart #red of hearts #queen of hearts #bridget of hearts #cinderella descendants #ask bok #theaceofarrows

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asleepinawell · 2 years ago

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this little quest chain was one of my favorites in ew because of the perspective it gave into the ancients, a very different one from what little we get from emet and hermes. there’s pretty ample proof that their society was not in any way perfect and was actually really deeply flawed to the core, but this is a look at people, individuals, and ones outside of the main bunch we talk to

put in a read more to spare your dashes

they go to speed up the aether dispersal of some creations (animals) that were killed and they call the deaths distressing and want to find a way to pay respects to the fallen and bring peace to their souls. at the wol’s suggestion they gather flowers for the dead. and they say what amounts to a prayer over the bodies. it’s so very very different from how hermes believes everyone feels and how hythlodaeus spoke of ‘returning to the star’ being beautiful (though even hythlodaeus said a brief prayer for the first boss in ktisis hyberboreia)

and yes, they still talk about life and death in terms of ‘purpose’ and this is no way refutes the callousness towards other lives we’ve seen some of the ancients display in elpis, but my personal take is that it shows that some of them at least understood on some level that there were important things missing in their culture that they needed. even if they didn’t fully grasp why, they were searching for these missing pieces. in this case, a way to process grief and acknowledge the worth of a life, even a non-human life. and they also actively ask for the new ideas the wol presents and talk about incorporating them into their lives and duties

there’s also a ton of little side quests in elpis that involve one person asking you to find or check on another person, or to carry a message to them. there’s so many people who care about each other and are just absolutely godawful at expressing it in person and need the poor wol to act as an intermediary (this happens in present day as well but it was just every 5 seconds in elpis)

there’s one striking one where one person asks you to bring a second person a message about how that second person’s concept was approved and succeeding (I forget the exact details) in the hopes that it would dissuade them from returning to the star. it didn’t dissuade them and the first person accepted that pretty calmly, but the thought was there. there was this hope that they could keep someone they cared about around longer even if the argument they tried to use to persuade them came back to that grim ideology about ‘purpose’. they lacked the framework to think about it another way, but they still tried

it’s definitely a stark contrast from the shade amaurotines we saw in shb (assuming for the sake of argument that they were accurate depictions and not biased by emet which is a big assumption), especially the ones who turned the topic of ‘should we save the lives of others on the planet or just focus on ourselves’ into a casual debate topic as a pastime. there are really terrible ways of thinking about the world that have been ingrained into the population presumably from birth. that’s not something that can easily be changed. but it could be changed. the potential was there

at a societal level the ancient world was terrible in so many ways, and ultimately doomed if it couldn’t change, but at an individual level the people had so much potential and at least some of them were trying their best to make sense of the things their society denied them and adapt their lives

my personal takeaway from all this (which is just a headcanon aka an opinion and i’m not trying to sell as canon), was that if their society could have been changed then the ancients had the potential to have produced people who could have faced meteion. i’m leaving aside the questions of the timeframe and zodiark tempering everyone because that’s not my point. my point is that the ancients weren’t inherently unable to be who was needed to save their world. the density of their aether making them unable to interact with dynamis is highly symbolic of the flaws of their society, of course, but that shouldn’t have stopped them from talking to meteion, from showing compassion and understanding and hope in the face of despair

i’m not trying to take any jabs about any characters’ decisions in the story because the actual situation they were in was extremely complicated (like hey zodiark tempering people!) and that would also miss my point. mostly i’m just saying this makes the fate of their people even more depressing. they were an entire race of people who had all the potential that the sundered humans do despite being stuck in a shit society that happened to be shit in the exact way that made dealing with meteion and the final days a seemingly insurmountable task. their near-immortality and creation powers made it even harder for them to really understand the problem, but not impossible. they had the raw potential and lacked the tools to use it to save themselves. it’s just really damned sad

#hello i just finished up elpis in my replay and i am big sad about it #panda gives us more time with some of their world but i don't wanna go into panda spoilers in this post #ffxiv #ffxivmp #mp #i mean emet is such an obvious example of this too #though in the complicated way that he was predisposed to not quite fit in and it made him cling even harder to the fallacy #i remember thinking that a big difference between emet and herms is emet had emotional support in the form of azem and hyth #but there's that short story that showed hermes had people who tried to support him #he just isolated himself #like cranky socially awkward introvert emet still managed to find the friendship he needed #which was great until he lost it and couldn't cope and doubled down on clinging desperately to all the wrong things #i would never excuse emet for what he became but god i feel awful for the man he once was #(still want to bully him tho)#this entire post is also the thesis for my fic series lol #like what if some of the ancients (hyth in hades) were shown the flaws in their world in a way they couldn't refute #and given a chance and the time needed to change #the reason i made the assumption wrt the shade amaurotines is because i thought of them as a game device #being used to show the player about amaurot and its culture #rather than a statement about emet

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thingwithfeathers · 2 months ago

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you wait twelve tormenting years for something and then it's over in a moment.

#landslide.mp3 #closure feels like a release and i guess i've never fully felt that before #in it's sadness it's quite beautiful really #and a lighter grief than all that i had carried up until that point #though there is still inevitably some grief shedding those layers of heavier grief is a freedom I'm grateful for #days and moments you thought may never arrive become poignant turning points moving forward #it's both a terrifying and wonderful feeling to look at the uncertain future without being dragged down and drowning in the past any longer #seeing the new growing hope of being able to rebuild and recreate and carve out something fresh #that maybe there's still chance for your life to change no matter how much you've lost to grief and illness and suffering #it's not just an ending to a chapter in my life but an entire volume with multiple losses culminating to a single moment of liberation #and ultimately of peace or as much as you can get in this life #well i suppose this is a small prayer to a new life that may treat me kinder than i have previously been #and that i may feel human again #and if not then i will still remember this moment for what it is and for finally making sense of that which had haunted me for so long #and maybe one day i'll understand why it had to be such a long journey #it will be like telling a story that i can no longer comprehend had happened to me as the distance grows alongside me only this time kindly #;

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boyapologist · 1 year ago

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sweetheart please love me too long my heart’s too strong love me too long sweetheart please let me hold on to these old songs I’ve loved too long

#hi I had two beers in a bar with a bunch of flight attendant colleagues and I'm SAD #the more I interact with normal people the more I see how I'm a fucking weirdo lmao #at least I'm working on my pretending skills #like. I can now pretend I'm a normal person and have loud bar conversations and spend 16 bucks on a beer I know costs 5 #but deep down when I get home I know that's just so fundamentally not me...?#and the fact that I can't interact with people showcasing the real me it's just kinda sad #also everyone was talking abt their sex lives and love lives and I was just sitting there laughing along #like I wasn't a 21 year old who no one has ever wanted and hasn't even had their first kiss yet #and the more I interact with people the more I see I'll always be the fat kind kid who no one will ever consider as fuckable #I'm literally the fat friend lmao #I feel like I lost all of the chances I had to change that in high-school #and now I'm an adult who's never kissed anyone and has absolutely zero game #so it'll probably stay like that. that's so fucking sad #I'm going to die not knowing what KISSING feels like. what the fuck.#anyways I'm just tipsy and lonely lol I'm gonna shower and go to bed now #probably put on the ❤️ video and have a little cry sess beforehand and that's ok #we love dying alone and being a unfuckable weirdo!#rambles*

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myheartxmyman · 9 months ago

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But somewhere over the last year I lost you, the person I still love deeply. Whoever you are now is someone else. I tried to reach you, find you again, but who you are now who you became I don't even consider as a friend.

#you got lost on the way #strange things can happen #when thinking about all the things that went wrong and all the hurt you caused it makes me think I might have loved a phantom #at the end of February you had already changed a lot #people can keep up with a wrong version of themselves for approximately two to three months #is that the explanation?#and still here I am dancing with your ghost #still you're not a hundred percent gone #there is still a tiny silly hope #but with some time I'll set myself free #even if it all was true the colors you showed me in the end didn't align with mine #you're satisfied with YOUR life #there was never room for OURs #feels like I was supposed to just fit in in yours #I mean if I would have gotten pregnant what did you expect?#a pregnant girlfriend who's supposed to give birth between two flats?#wouldn't have worked out like that #at least not for me #but that's what I mean by saying 'you are completely satisfied with YOUR life #feels like we never had a true chance because we never grew together #at least not in enough ways #we never formed our own home #maybe that's why we never got our little Braten #I miss what we had #I am in deep pain and at the same time kinda relieved #it's strange on one hand I feel like all our the troubles this relationship caused all the pain of losing my man in the end makes it hard to #breath and swallow #at the other hand I can breathe in way deeper than I could those last nine/ten months #a burden is lifted #the heart aches nevertheless

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nightingale-prompts · 3 months ago

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God's TV- DC x DP prompt

Accidentally summoning a god from another dimension can happen, especially when cults are involved. However, no can could predict that the not only was the god a teenage boy but also a very bored teenage boy who didn't want to leave.

So he stayed and moved into Titans tower.

Danny is helpful (when he wants to be) but rarely goes out on missions. He says they are boring and nothing is dangerous enough to exert the effort. Instead, he minds the medical bay. Having a healer more than made up for the lack of help.

It's not like anyone disliked Danny or thought he didn't do anything it was just that he was unpredictable. Danny could be nice, considerate, and even sweet if he was working in the medbay. He could also be a pain in the ass anywhere else. He loved pranks and scaring people with his powers. He was harmless though.

No one really knew what he did all day. He was usually in his room doing something they guested. Said room was an anomaly. It was larger on the inside having been made into a pocket dimension. The appearance and organization of the room changed every time you went in.

It was after one mission that the team learned what was in the room.

A rogue had used their invention to erase Superboy's memories and they didn't know what to do. They took him to Danny who was currently rearranging the medicine by color. They hoped that his powers covered mind-altering afflictions. Unfortunately, Danny couldn't wave a hand and fix this.

Instead, Danny took the group to his room. The decor was neon Tokyo meets space right now. The furniture was currently floating and almost hitting Wonder Girl in the head with an end table. Of course, there was no gravity here.

"Stay here while I grab it," Danny said flying up the vertical corridor.

While he was gone the room rearranged itself into a contemporary format. The furniture grounded itself and shifted into a normal living room.

Danny returned with a cart and a headset. He placed a card he pulled out of the cart into the headset and put it on the dazed Superboy's head.

"Wait what is that?" Tim asked.

"It's his memories. I kept a backup in case this happened." Danny shrugged.

Immediately everyone began asking what the hell does that mean and why does he have that.

"Oh please, this dimension has this happened all the time. Amnesia is so cliché and cheap. I saw a pattern and decided the easiest way to prevent you from losing the entirety of your lives was to make save states of your memories." Danny said matter of fact.

Robin pinched the bridge of his nose.

Impulse studied the rack of cases and looking for the card with his name on it.

Wondergirl sighed, she was used to this from Robin but even he wouldn't go this far.

"What? It's not like just anyone can find these. Only you can access your own memories anyways. I just decided to repurpose my RE:Viewer." Danny pouted.

"What is a reviewer?" Wally asked flipping through the cases. Each one had titles like moves or shows with an arrangement of stickers.

"The RE:Viewer is something I created to catalog things I've seen looking into other dimensions. I don't have an infinite memory you know. But the longer I have my title the more I'll lose touch with my mortality. These things help me stay close to people by giving me the chance to remember how it feels. I also have been using them to get the stories of others. Keeping their experiences like you'd keep a TV show or movie. So many stories could have been lost to time but now they are saved. I use them to teach myself." Danny smiled.

The concept genuinely sounded interesting. Like experiencing a movie in 4d.

It had been 3 minutes before Kon took off the headset and back to his old self.

Danny pulled the input card out and it disappeared into another realm with a flick of the wrist. Danny was completely honest that the copies were inaccessible to everyone but him.

"You feeling alright Superboy? Your memory should be backed up until a week ago." Danny said shining a light in his eye.

"I'm fine. I think. What happened?" Kon asked batting the light out of his eyes.

"Explanation later. Take a nap first. You aren't concussed at least." Danny informed.

"What are the stickers for?" Wally said pointing at the rainbow of colors the card cases had.

"Just the emotions associated with the experiences. Orange is comedy, red is action, pink is romance, and blue is tragedy." Danny listed. "That one with the pink is one of my favorites. I meddled a bit in that world. Two people who had never met fell in love at two points at different times. One of them was doomed to die but I worked my magic on a mirror that allowed them to meet once. They shared notes left in different places for the other months ahead. Makes you believe in true love. A real tear-jerker."

"What about the black stickers?" Wally asked.

"Don't touch the black ones," Danny said darkly, smacking his hand away. "You don't need to know about those. I don't like thinking about them."

"So you just take the memories of others and put them inside your machine to replay later?" Batgirl asked. "Isn't that kind of wrong?"

"No, I asked permission. I usually pull them aside at some point and ask. If it's my memories (that's the green stickers) I don't need to. The rainbow ones are simulations. Like a video games." Danny responded patting her on the back for not being to hard on him about this admittedly weird situation.

"So what's the black one with the rainbow sticker?" Wally asked picking up the case that was obviously stuffed in the back.

"STOP TOUCHING THOSE!" Danny yelled pulling him away.

#dc x dp #dpxdc #dc x dp prompt #dp x dc prompt #danny fenton #danny phantom #young justice #batgirl #superboy #wonder girl #red robin #dc robin #tim drake #dc impulse #wally west

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strzlun · 5 months ago

Text

TRAP

// park sunghoon //

pairing: player!sunghoon x quiet!femreader

word count- 3.6k

genre/cws- fluff, slight angst, falling in love, confessions, he fell first and harder, sunghoon grows a soft spot for reader, sunghoon becomes a changed man, reader is done with sunghoon

summary-Sunghoon didn’t realize he fell into his own trap until it was too late and he was falling in love

________________________________________________________

Sunghoon and you were the picture perfect polar opposites. He had people lined up trying to fulfill their deep desire of even getting a sliver of a chance with him.

And he thrived in this. He knew the sheer power he held so he always used it to his advantage. Everyone knew Park Sunghoon’s name like a chant and you never understood why people would crumble to his feet.

He lived a world that you wished to never get involved with.

Yet what made your world slow down is hearing his name called alongside yours.

Before you could even register what was happening, you could hear the painful drag of the chair next to you as you slowly turn to be met with the one and only, Park Sunghoon.

The infamous smile plastered on his face as his body was faced towards you. He had this demeanor that you were undeniably drawn to but forced yourself out of that daze.

“Guess we’re partners” The moment he spoke, all eyes were on you

You awkwardly nodded your head as you tried to ignore the stares burning into your entire existence and focus in front of you.

You knew there were people that would kill to be in your spot, and truthfully speaking you had no problem switching.

When Sunghoon who was waiting for some type of reaction from you received nothing, he raised an eyebrow, confused but assumed you were simply trying to comprehend how he was in front of you.

“No need to freak out or anything, it’s really me-“ Before he could even finish he sentence you raised a hand to stop him

Normally, you wouldn’t waste time even speaking to people like Sunghoon. There was no point, neither ever crossed paths before nor have you even acknowledged each other’s existence.

But now you had to bear with him until the end of the project if you wanted a good grade.

When you gave no response after shutting Sunghoon up, he could feel the embarrassment rising which was rare (a big lie).

“I look forward to working with you. I’ve heard nothing but wonderful things about you” He tried to catch your attention as you seemed to focus on the lesson rather than on him

He gave a slight frown but wiped it off before having a smirk plaster onto his face. He could feel the excitement coursing through his mind and he knew exactly what it meant.

When the lesson was done, he turned expecting to see you beside him but to his shock you were already out of the classroom. He grumbled and quickly went after you.

What you thought was finally peace and no lurking eyes on you turned to ruckus around you when Sunghoon suddenly appeared next to you.

His mouth whispered right into your ear and you immediately jerked yourself away in confusion. He gave a warm smile and grabbed your bag from you to hold it.

“You walk so fast, it was hard to catch up to you” He joked and the look you gave him must’ve shown your discomfort because he awkwardly cleared his throat

You tried to grab your bag from him but before you could reach it, he moved his body and you almost lost your balance.

He was quick to catch you to make sure you didn’t fall (you were never going to fall in the first place).

You stared at him as he gave another smile but you quickly pushed him away and grabbed your bag from him before huffing out a sigh and walking away.

Of course you knew who Park Sunghoon is, but that also meant you knew the reputation surrounding him. He had people lined up for him for a reason and you weren’t going to allow yourself to fall for his trap.

As you were walking you were going to pull out your phone from your bag, but the moment you did a piece of paper fell out as well.

You tilted your head confused before reaching to pick it up soon your mouth was agape when you saw the written phone number on it.

‘My number -p.sh’

Now you didn’t want to text Sunghoon, especially with the way that he had given his number. It felt like he was treating you as someone who simply wanted to get the attention of being involved with him.

You knew deep down that was far from the truth but you had to swallow your pride for a moment as you typed his number in for a contact.

Sunghoon was in bed, lazily resting an arm over his eyes as he could feel the drowsiness take over. But right when he was going to shut his eyes, his phone pinged from a notification.

Normally, he would ignore it and deal with it whenever he had the energy to but something in him told him to check it.

He groaned before grabbing his phone seeing just who decided to text him so late at night.

He saw an unsaved number but the message attached to it made him shoot up from his bed with a slight smirk forming on his face.

: Let’s meet tomorrow to start the project

“Over here!” Sunghoon waved once he saw you, the people passing gave a weird look to him before going their way

You observed how he never truly cared about the public’s opinion on him. He knew that there would be people that praise him and people that despise him, nothing you could do about it.

But now that you were assigned a project with him you knew from the very start what it came with. You didn’t enjoy being the center of attention and having him lingering around you was quite troublesome.

“How was your morning?” He asked sweetly but you believed you saw right through it and simply ignored his question

He was taken aback from the lack of response but he nodded his head, realizing that it would take a lot more for him to slither his way into your heart.

“Let’s head in shall we?” Sunghoon opened the door for you and with the faintest ‘thank you’, he was already grinning like an idiot

He was sure that you would get caught up by him soon or later, it was only a matter of strategic timing and planning to get the job done.

“So what’s your favorite movie?” Sunghoon tried to garner your attention but you didn’t give him any, he sighed heavily after being rejected for the twentieth time

He was growing tiresome trying to get your attention on something that wasn’t something for the project.

“Uhm so what’s your favorite-“

“I heard you the first time, I am just choosing to ignore you” You finally put your pen down before looking at him which caught him off guard

He shifted in his seat and cleared his throat, not expecting that (or any) reaction. The two stared at each other for a moment and for the first time ever, Sunghoon was the one to shift his gaze away.

“Let’s continue working” You softly said before picking up your pen again but as he tried to recover from the lost of the staring contest he sighed heavily

“Why don’t we take a break for now, my hand hurts from all the writing” You glanced over to Sunghoon’s paper, only to see he had only written his name on it

You glared towards him and he gave a cheeky smile which he thought would make you smile at least but nothing. You kept your stoic expression, unamused by his attempt to make you smile (you found it humorous that he failed instead).

“Is this why you’re failing the class?” Sunghoon choked on air and coughed loudly hearing your response

“How do you know that?” Sunghoon loudly whispered as he looked around making sure no one heard your remark

“You always complain about your grade in class” You stated and he sighed before embarrassingly looking away but suddenly an idea popped in his head

“So you’re paying attention to me?” He raised an eyebrow to you teasingly

“It’s hard not to when you’re so loud about it” Sunghoon’s world alongside his ego shattered hearing your rebuttal to his attempt to tease you

This is not how he planned this day to go.

Sunghoon cleared his throat loudly before picking up his pen and taking glances at his laptop before writing on the piece of paper, wishing to simply disintegrate into the universe.

You noticed his reaction and you were glad he was working but you felt bad, you didn’t mean to come off as rude, it’s just what you observed from him.

You itched to apologize, your mouth opening every now and then but nothing came out. You sighed before continuing to write on your paper, an awkward silence resting over the two of you.

“I’ll walk you home” You didn’t expect for Sunghoon to offer this especially when the rest of the evening was pure silence between the two of you

You were going to deny Sunghoon’s offer but he was quick to gather your bag along with his.

Another thing that you observed about Sunghoon was that he was stubborn but troublesome for him you were also stubborn.

“It’s okay I can make it home by myself” You tried to grab your bag from him but he was already walking away with it

If this is what Sunghoon thought could win you over, he is mistaken. You sighed annoyed but decided to not put up a fight, you were tired and just wanted to get home as quickly as possible.

As you and Sunghoon were walking to your place he tried to make small talk with you. You wanted to walk in silence but he was determined to have a decent conversation with you.

The talks were brief but you realized that there a slight shift in Sunghoon’s demeanor. It was more relaxed and gentle and maybe even a little genuine. A side you’ve never seen before from him.

But you reminded yourself this could easily be one of his antics to have you wrapped in his fingers. But before you knew it, you were already at your front doorstep.

“Thank you for walking me home” Sunghoon easily waved it off as nothing

“Also I’m sorry if what I said earlier come off as rude, it wasn’t my intention”

“Goodnight” After you finally apologized, you entered your place and closed the door behind you before he could even respond

Sunghoon stood surprised for a moment before softly letting out a genuine chuckle.

You heard a ping from your phone and when you looked at it, you found yourself letting out the smallest smile ever.

Sunghoon: It’s okay you weren’t wrong. Goodnight to you as well

From when you stepped foot onto campus, all eyes were on you again. You tried to remind yourself that this was only temporarily and soon you could go back to your old lifestyle without Sunghoon in your life.

But that moment wasn’t now because you suddenly felt a poke to your head and when you turned, you were met with Sunghoon’s cheeky smile.

“Let’s walk together” He hummed, you sighed realizing that he really wasn’t going down without a fight so you weren’t going to put up one

You nodded your head as you waited for him to catch up to you. Sunghoon smiled realizing that you’re starting to warm up to him even if it is a tiny bit.

You: Where are you?

You: We said we were meeting today to finish

You sighed as time passed by and there was no sign of Sunghoon. You scoffed to yourself realizing he left you stranded.

What did you expect, he probably left all the work for you to ensure that he can pass. You scoffed as you placed your head into yours hands before groaning loudly.

Having to do the project by yourself wasn’t something foreign to you, but you were still annoyed.

You had to pick up on his slack. You weren’t going to allow someone like Sunghoon to taint your grade because of careless actions.

You were disappointed would be an understatement. You assumed the least he could do is give you a heads up if he isn’t able to make it, but it seemed you hoped too much for the impossible.

Hours passed by and you were still engrossed in the project trying to complete it, you could feel the pure exhaustion catching up but you needed to push through.

“Bye Sunghoon” The teasing tone had a faint smirk form on Sunghoon’s face whilst waving goodbye

He pulled out his phone and saw the time, 3 am, he sighed knowing he was going to get a good nights rest the moment he landed on his bed.

He placed his phone back into his pocket and right when he turned, there he saw you through a window.

You were yet to see him but he saw how you yawned and tiredly rested your head on your arm as a pillow and closed your eyes.

That’s when it finally clicked in Sunghoon’s mind. He was supposed to meet up with you today to finish the project. He cursed at himself before entering the place you were in.

He quickly made his way over to you but you were already fast asleep. He saw your laptop open with paper scattered around.

He got too distracted that he forgot he was meeting up with you today and he knew all efforts of trying to get you warming up to him now went out the window.

He wasn’t one to care about how people perceived him but you must’ve thought he’s even more of a jerk than what you already thought he was.

Sunghoon made sure to be quiet to not disturb your sleep as he carefully sat next to you before grabbing your laptop.

He scrolled and saw that you were practically almost done with the project. The guilt that rested in stomach grew even more and began to eat him up, you picked up his slack because of his ignorance.

Sunghoon knew you wouldn’t easily forgive him and he doesn’t blame you. But the least he could do is let you sleep while he takes care of the rest.

He carefully draped his jacket over you as he noticed you were directly under an air vent. He looked for a split second longer than what he wanted to, you looked so peaceful when sleeping.

He found a faint smile growing but stopped to bring himself back to focus on finishing the project.

He grabbed a spare sticky note and a few moments later placed it next to your mousepad, before starting to type into your laptop.

Your eyes fluttered opened as you could feel a bright light hitting your face. You used your hand to cover the sunlight but noticed a jacket draped over you and you froze.

You hazily looked around and you jumped when you noticed Sunghoon asleep next to you with your laptop in front of him. You quickly grabbed your laptop to see what he had done but to your surprise you saw the project was completely finished and revised.

You don’t know when you fell asleep, let alone when he even arrived so you were shocked to wake up next to him.

You were pleased that at least the project was done, however your gaze soon caught the sticky note stuck near your mousepad.

‘I know this is the weakest way to apologize, but I am really sorry for leaving you hanging.

Rest well, I’ll take care of everything else’

You shifted your gaze onto Sunghoon but what you didn’t expect was for him to be looking at you back. Normally you would’ve reverted your eyes away but you were in some trance, an extra flutter in your heart made you realize you were falling.

But you weren’t the only one. With the sunrise setting upon you and the look you were giving him, Sunghoon found himself in utter awe of you as his heart fluttered against his chest.

That was something new.

Now Sunghoonn was wide awake in bed with you haunting his mind, he doesn’t get it. The project was long done and no matter how much he tried to distract himself, he always found his mind drifting off to you.

He didn’t have a guilty conscience anymore, you made it very clear that you had forgiven him (after much apologies) so why could he only think about you.

You and him would even text quite often (he’s the one always texting first) but even still that wasn’t enough to quench his unexplainable desire.

He doesn’t know what was taking over him, it was like he’s flipped. He was leaving his old habits behind, deciding to hit the gym more often, barely going out the way he used to, he even started to pay attention in lessons and participate in activities.

And anytime he did anything, he felt an urge to text you and let you know what he has been up to. There were times where he did text you but then there were times when he held back.

Tonight was not one of those nights, he decided to give in to the burning desire that desperately needed to get extinguished.

Sunghoon: You awake?

He impatiently watched, hoping for your response and he immediately piked when his phone pinged.

You: Why?

Sunghoon found himself smiling dumbfounded at your message, in that moment his smile slightly faltered as the realization hit him like a bucket of cold water.

Now he finally realized what the desire that burns in him meant.

Now you didn’t expect to see Sunghoon at your front doorstep, especially to catch him mid pep talk. He froze when he heard your door open and the two stared at each other for a moment before he straightened out his posture.

He awkwardly coughed at the silence, all thoughts and rationality he prepared went out the window as he just stared at you with wide eyes.

“Uh what are you doing here?” You asked him and his mind immediately went on overdrive

He continued to stay silent and stare at you. You looked around for a moment before softly nodding your head.

“Do you want to-“ Before you could even finish, Sunghoon easily cut you off

“I like you” That was more straightforward than he intended to say but he’s never confessed before, he’s new to this

You stared at Sunghoon flustered with his sudden confession, does he actually like you or is he toying with your feelings until he gets bored and moves on.

“I know this is out of nowhere and you have every right to question my intentions” He was aware of the reputation he made for himself but he was really praying it doesn’t affect him now

“But I promise you wholeheartedly that I am genuine about my words and my feelings, I really do like you”

“I’m not sure when I started to like you, but you started to consume every crevice in my mind. Everything that I did, I wondered what you would say about it”

“It was actually driving me insane because I never and I mean it ever felt that way before and I can’t lie I was nervous at first”

“I thought you would’ve brush me off after the project, that’s why I kept texting you. Something in me needed to know if there could be a possible us”

“This burning desire wouldn’t let me go from its grasp and the only way I figured to subside it was to tell you how I truly felt” Sunghoon finished his small rant and let out a heavy pant before nervously looking to see your reaction

You stared at him wide eyed as you proceed the information. The pounding of your heart clearly indicated something and you knew that very well.

With each passing second of no response from you, the more it kills him slowly.

“You like me?” Your voice was soft and this melted right through Sunghoon, how he underestimated the hold you had on him

He softly nodded his head and your heart finally exploded. All the times when your fingers fidgeted over your keyboard wanting to text him and he somehow read your mind and texted you first.

But there was a thought lingering at the back of your head. What if he was just saying this to get you to fall into the trap you couldn’t escape from.

“How come you didn’t fall for someone else?” It was too late for your mind to register that you accidentally voiced out your thought

You stumbled over your words trying to take back what you said and Sunghoon found it amusing, he made his way over to you. The loopy smile he had as he brought his mouth to your ear, his breath feathered over your ear making your body shiver.

“Because I am too busy being yours” Sunghoon whispered and those words sent a shock throughout your whole body

“Is this you crawling to me Sunghoon?” You teased and he chuckled at you response but nodded his head before facing back to you

“If you allow me, I’ll crawl back to you as many times as I have to in order to prove my feelings to you”

“Never thought, I would be the one to hear those words from you”

“Special words for a special person” Your smile began to grow and you couldn’t hold it back any longer

Seeing your smile made Sunghoon weak in his knees that he knew he had to make you smile every single day. You had Park Sunghoon wrapped around your fingers and neither expected the tables to turn.

The trap that Sunghoon had intended to have you fall into now consumed him instead of you. But truthfully speaking, he didn’t mind it because deep down he unconsciously knew he was yours from the start.

“Will you allow me take you out on a date? Promise I’ll be there maybe even before you”

#enhypen #enhypen imagines #enhypen x reader #enhypen fluff #enhypen fic #enhypen writer #enhypen angst #enhypen oneshots #enhypen sunghoon #park sunghoon x reader #sunghoon x reader #park sunghoon fic #park sunghoon #park sunghoon imagine #sunghoon fic

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